BEDTIME STORIES

 When I wrote 'MAGICAL MOTHERHOOD, a series of Letters to Cheryl' technology had not taken hold to the extent we live with today. Most of us still read books you could hold in your hand and physically turn the pages rather than scrolling through on-line text.

Yesterday I was taking my usual mid-morning coffee break and switched on the radio to listen to classical music. Julie Nazrella was introducing her next piece and speaking about latest research regarding reading a bedtime story to a child. This research reveals the difference between holding a real book in your hand rather than a device and tells of the advantages, that there's an intimacy which is lacking when you read off a screen. Also, there's more opportunity for exchanges, and therefore more chance of connecting with your child.

Don't forget, though, the value of actually telling a story rather than reading it! My four still remember with great affection the stories 'Grandad' invented and told in his special story-telling voice. He had a special gift, yes, but small children are not critical (as wise daughter Kate once told me) and anytime you bring your imagination into play provides nourishment.

So, dear carers, read a book, invent a story.... make lasting MAGIC for your little ones.

EASING THE WAY WITH MAGIC:

 

GUEST POST FROM CLAUDIA P, Experienced Waldorf Teacher

A young child's fascination with a newfound object. Or, how to distract a young child to allow you to move on with your day.

Two year-old Melanie was adamant: she was not going home after a long walk in the wintry cold. Then something caught her eye. It was a pine cone. She was so interested in it she forgot everything else. 

I put one in the toboggan to see if that would catch her interest. It certainly did and so I put another one in and another one and another one. Finally, there were 10 pine cones in the toboggan and I said: "Now you may sit in there with all the pine cones." She couldn't believe her luck and carefully stepped in and sat down focussed only on these newfound treasures. 

I couldn't believe my own luck, with her now safely sitting, and not paying attention that we were quickly heading home. We reached the house within a few minutes and she looked up in surprise. We rang the bell and when mother opened the door, Melanie excitedly pointed to her treasure. In fact she had gotten so attached to these lovely pine cones that she wouldn't let the door close behind her without bringing a couple of them inside with her.

WINTER WONDERLAND

This morning I looked out my bedroom window and admired the fresh-fallen snow. A mom with two small kiddlies was trudging through the snow, pulling a sled behind her. The snowsuit-clad children were doing that magical childhood thing of delighting in the experience. And I thought 'Good for her!' i.e. the mom.

Most mornings, as I eat my breakfast, I see a few of the neighbourhood kids walking past my front windows on their way to school. Over the past couple of weeks we've had some severely cold weather, with the windchill something like -22. I'm glad I don't have to go out! But I get distressed to see girls around nine or ten years, wearing tights and no other covering on their legs. The kindergarten teacher who was my mentor emphasized how important it is for girls to keep the nether regions warm. Perhaps the daughters complained about putting on snow pants, but sometimes, mothers need to insist!

What a healthy childhood looks like

GARDENING! AND MORE!! (like practising fine motor skills)

This comes from my cousin in South Africa. Her great-grandson has just turned six. See his birthday present from her in the first sentence.

Well Gabriel loved his trowels, and wasted no time in putting them to use. He and Kalia had a fine old time in my pots of course, and much hilarity with taps on and taps off, and lots of mud every where. He carefully washed and dried them off when they had finished playing. Must be a first ! So I think I did well in the birthday department. The kids certainly don't play with toys. They are just a waste of money. Kalia loves sticker books, and at the moment it's cute to watch her concentration, when struggling to cut with scissors. It opens my eyes how children develop. She is quite determined to master the art, and carries on, showing no sign of frustration. She's been like that since she was very little. I watched her trying to get into a cardboard box once, which was very small, and I was quite convinced she would never be able to do it, but let me tell you, it was quite something to see. She tried it every which way. One leg in, one leg out, turn around, bend the leg.....it was astonishing, but eventually she got her whole self in, sitting down. She filled it ' wall to wall " so to speak. It took a long time, but the most interesting thing, was that she showed no sign of irritation, just concentration, on how to achieve her goal. She was very little at the time. 

An idea for Halloween

This is a guest post from Kim Hunter, early childhood winner of the Prime Minister's Award for Teaching Excellence 

The Halloween Squirrel.

A group of parents in the community where I raised my daughter came up with this idea to be rid of the  Halloween candy....

We carried the story of the Halloween Squirrel, telling our children that he was busy gathering at this time of the year and at the end of Halloween night we would blow out the candle in the jack-o-lantern and put the candy inside for him to collect, in the morning he would have left a gift in trade.

The gift was typically something to inspire outdoor play....a skipping rope when she was six, a (gently) used bicycle when she was 8....for this is the squirrel's domain.

Sometimes we parents would collaborate and get gifts for our children that were related....badminton rackets, a net and birdies so that the children could be connected in their experience of the squirrel's gifts and also that they would then bring the bits together to be used in the “tribe” of friends.

Kim Hunter – Time to Play, a film about early childhood principles.

https://www.facebook.com/timetoplayfilm/

http://www.timetoplayfilm.com/

To purchase an e-copy of Time to Play visit:

https://timetoplay.vhx.tv/products

A link for you and your little one

In case you're looking for wonderful underwear, I just ordered something myself from http://www.floweringchild. Plus, cheaper than Amazon!! Keep warm and comfy this winter dear readers.

THE FOUR TEMPERAMENTS

In my book 'Magical Motherhood', I only deal with the four temperaments in passing. This is because the focus of the book is more on the infant than the toddler and growing child. Here is the link to four excellent articles that will give you an idea what it's all about. I consider that recognizing your child's temperament and learning how to respond to that is one of the most helpful keys you can have.

Childhood is a time, of course, when the happy, sanguine temperament can often hold sway, in the same way that we tend to grow melancholic in old age.

So, dear readers, without more ado, here is the promised link for you to follow:

http://earthschooling.info/thebearthinstitute/the-four-temperaments-in-rhythm-of-the-home/

A SWINGING CHANT AND A SONG

Last night we were visiting the grandsons. In their front garden they have a rope swing that hangs from a branch of their sturdy and tall maple tree and I can tell you they make good use of it. This reminded me of happy times in our nearby park when they were little, and how even from tiny tots they loved to swing, and, unlike some adults, seemed to never tire or suffer any ill effects from the back and forth motion... probably because of the rhythm.

Yes, this is healthy and fun for the little ones.

What came to me also was the chant and the song I used. The chant is a simple one:

'Swing swong, all the day long... ' to be repeated as long as you wish, each time you push the swing forward.

Now for the song. Take a look at this website: http://www.jacshootblog.com  It's worth the read and you'll enjoy the happy photos.

I wanted also to share the tune with you. Unfortunately I couldn't find a direct link, nor a good sound quality video. But take a look in any case because the tune is an easy one to pick up and certainly enhances the experience for the child. On youtube, search for    swing me higher obediah  sung by Florrie Forde on Vintage British Comedy.

So, dear care-givers, get swinging!

Protection for your sleeping child

Most weekdays, we have the pleasure of picking the Blue-eyed Boy up from school and he stays with us for about an hour before Mom or Dad comes to collect him.

So the other day I arrived a bit too early and sat in my car a few minutes before going out to meet and greet him. Next to me a van was parked. A lovely young mother was there to fetch her little one from kindergarten. She had a baby daughter in the car seat and as I watched her lift baby out so sweetly and tenderly, I realized the child had been fast asleep. How touching to see the way she snuggled into her mom's shoulder, eyes still closed.

To switch to your own experience, I want to ask how you feel when you first wake up. Unless you have some sort of covering over you, I would suggest your skin feels a little chilled. You're vulnerable, somehow, exposed. This has to do with what we call the life body (i.e. not simply the physical), and it's worth noting.

My mother taught me always to put a light (or heavier in winter) covering over a child when you move them when they're sleeping, or have been sleeping. Easy enough to do and a caring gesture.

SCHOOL READINESS AND THE CHILD'S DEVELOPING BRAIN

Our four children all began their schooldays in the southern hemisphere, which meant... in January. So there are parents in that half of the world who are wondering 'Is my little girl or boy really ready for this big step?'
   
Almost every week I read about new research that proves the benefits of starting school later rather than earlier. This applies even to kindergarten, although I'd say if you find a really good Waldorf kindergarten you might happily entrust your four year old to the teacher's tender care. In any case, as a parent who yearns to do the best for your child, you might ask, "How can I judge when my child is ready for formal schooling?" The usual way is to go by age, but each of us is a unique individual, right?

Actually the subject is a complex one. Waldorf schools employ a process, and usually prefer a 7 year-old rather than a 6 year-old start. Dr. Rudolf Steiner actually indicates that the best way is to remember when your child was conceived, sometime before the middle of November, or toward the end. A simple guideline can be what usually happens around the age of six: i.e. the milk teeth begin to loosen and fall out. This signals a new development of the brain, one you can foster by... wait for it... teaching your child to knit! This is an ideal activity when for when your children are around seven or eight years of age.

I thought of this yesterday when I had to go for a routine blood test. Expecting to wait, I took a book with me. When I was done, I passed through the waiting room again. There sat a woman, happily engaged with her knitting. I was struck by delight, especially as everyone else was engrossed in the cyber-world rather than the real. But there she sat, content with her productive activity, and I thought, "Good for you!"

These are the needles and wool (yes, wool, not artificial yarn) I bought for my grandsons. It's a good idea to cast on a few stitches for them. I clearly remember having to ask my gran for help with this when I was young. And there's a nice Waldorf verse you can use to help the child. Here it is:

In through the front door,
Once around the back,
Peek through the window,
And off jumps Jack!

Advent tide

Here we are, approaching the second Sunday in Advent, a week when we specially think of our debt to the plant world and acknowledge our gratitude. Last Sunday the grandsons, now nine and seven years old, came over with their parents for a simple celebration at our house.

They came about an hour before we sat down to share a meal together. When they arrived, the house was in darkness (the sun sets soon after 4.20 p.m. these days). I met them in the entrance hall, and gave each of them a candlestick to carry.

We lit their candles and they carried them into our living/dining room and placed them carefully on the mantelpiece. Then we lit other candles around the room and the children sat down to hear a Christmas story read. Over the years I've collected quite a few and they work well for setting a mood... especially in candlelight.

So there mom and dad sat, each with a boy on the lap, listening by candlelight. This was such a lovely sight that I thought I should take a photo. I even went so far as to fetch my digital camera. But then I thought... 'No, a flash, the taking of a photo, will totally intrude and interfere with this special moment. So I refrained.

After the story we sang a song together 'People look East'. Cheryl had never heard that before. Luckily I'd thought to print out four copies of the words so we could all join in. The lyrics are easily found on the web.

Over the years I've also collected art postcards of the Annunciation. I selected a couple of these to have as images around the room. In these days when so much of what meets our eyes is hideous, not to mention evil, it's helpful to look at the beautiful and true.

So here is the Angel Gabriel to salute you on this Advent Friday. I send you a virtual lily and wish you a quiet, lovely moment or two.

Your baby's journal: reminder and excerpt.

We have our two older grandsons staying with us. They are now 12 and 11 years old and are amused and delighted when I tell them funny things they said when they were small. I know it takes effort, but if you can record these kinds of things in your baby's journal (well, they'll be toddlers and older when they learn to speak, of course!) you'll find it well worth while.

Here's an excerpt from Letter Thirteen of my book 'Magical Motherhood, A Series of Letters to Cheryl' as an example.*

     I found it fascinating to observe the different ways Josh and Rory took hold of language. Josh loved adverbs and adjectives — sticky, slow, fast – and especially liked three syllable words. One day I swept the kitchen floor. As I finished, I commented, “Well, that’s better, but not marvellous.” He went around muttering “marvellous, marvellous.”

    Don’t miss the opportunity to record such things in your child’s journal. One of my regrets is that I didn’t make more detailed notes, starting with Miranda. By the time Ben came along I recognized how much of what I believed I’d remember I’d forgotten! So I have more of his delightful ways and sayings – sometimes funny, sometimes wise – than of the three others. I brought out my notebooks when we celebrated his twenty-first birthday, still the true time of our coming of age. When I read out some of the amusing things he said, the questions he asked, he nearly fell off his chair, he was laughing so hard!

     And now I’ve also recorded things that Josh and Rory say when I’m with them. Ah, how the heart sighs and smiles to read and be reminded of those precious moments.

* available from http://www.magicalmotherhood.com  

or email magicalmotherhood@rogers.com

On the right foot

This will be a very brief post, but, I hope, a useful one.

Our son was teaching his neighbour's little boy how to know which shoe goes on the right foot and which on the left. He simply told him, "See the pointy bits at the end? They must go together."

Now why didn't I ever think of that?

Reading Fairy and Folk Tales

Yesterday the Blue-eyed Boy, who's about to turn nine (!), came to be with us. Both he and I were suffering from what you might call 'too much weekend'. I hosted a pot luck lunch celebration and he had his birthday party with a sleepover. Being a sensitive child, the excitement had to be dealt with in some way, and so he was a bit 'piano' and his forehead and chin felt hot to the touch, although from the way his eyes looked, I don't think he was running a fever.

He arrived with a basket-load of books and settled down to read. After a while he asked me if I'd read to him, which I did. Now, the story we read about some hero in fantasy land (I've forgotten the name but there are many in the series) was fairly innocuous and quite fun, but later I thought it would be good to put something else in his head, some mind-pictures that might serve as food for the soul and maybe even possess some underlying moral content. So I read him a long story from 'Celtic Tales', a collection of folk tales I can really recommend.

He listened, spell-bound, a sure sign that he's not too old for such tales. When he was younger we went more with the classic Grimm's stories such as Sleeping Beauty, Mother Holle, the Musicians of Bremen, the Shoemaker and his Wife and so on. These I read in a matter-of-fact tone. No drama. But I did allow myself more expression with 'King Conal's Horses'.

'French Fairy Tales' is another book I can recommend, and you can always look for the Andrew Lang collections. I also used 'Stories for Six Year Olds' for my children and the grandsons. Some of these are retellings of the old tales, but usually done with sensitivity. On the other hand, especially in the world of young adult books, recently there's been a fashion to re-work some of the stories in order to make the princesses more feisty and pro-active, in line with our feminist views today. This always feels to me like a misreading, a kind of betrayal of the originals. If you think of archetypal images, very often the feminine, the princess, represents the soul. I'd say that in our modern world it's exactly this, the soul, that very often needs rescuing and freeing from imprisonment in illusion.

I don't know how the Blue-eyed Boy felt at the end of the day, but me, I felt re-energized and ready to engage with life again.

p.s. A week later, and he's with us again. And what does he ask for? For me to read the same story once again. I was happy to do so.

When and how to speak up?

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut (yay!). My hairdresser is a lovely young Vietnamese woman who has an eighteen-month old son. We got to talking, of course, and she confided to me how she doesn't bath him every day, but does wash him. She was kind of hesitant about this, but when I told her I approved and we spoke about not washing off the good oils and everything that helps to strengthen the immune system, and that latest research confirms this, she was happy. I encouraged her to go with her own instincts, even if other parents disapproved. Then she said, as a mother, how important it was to think. Ohhhh yes.

She told me how, on a quick visit to the close-by supermarket to pick up some lunch, she'd been standing waiting at the checkout and noticed that the woman in front of her held a sleeping baby whose head flopped from one side to the other as his mother moved. This distressed her, and she wanted to point it out. But "You know how defensive people can be," she said. Nevertheless, she felt compelled to say something. So she commented on the cute baby and did actually say that maybe his head needed support.

Now this is the kind of dilemma I face so often. Her way was a good way, I think, but what to do when I'm taking a walk around the neighbourhood and see a baby facing the sun, trying desperately to hide her eyes and face from its bright rays? Or when a child is obviously underdressed for the weather? Is it my business to comment, or better to speak up?

Any tips or ideas on how to draw attention to harmful practices in an acceptable way would be much appreciated!

Picking up on the Clues

Long time no blog! Mostly I've been posting links on my facebook page. If you'd like to keep up to date with these, you could 'like' me at https://www.facebook.com/YourSpiritualChild. In any case, this action would be much appreciated and help spread the good word!

Today I have something on my mind. See, it was Curly-Locks's seventh birthday yesterday. It's amazing and wonderful to observe the magic that happens after the first of the seven year periods, to see how he's taken another step in coming into himself. What a pity he started school last September instead of next. More and more research is emerging which supports a later-is-best when it comes to formal learning. But you know, sometimes children have their own protection. It's my observation that mostly his classes have wafted by him without penetrating too far!

Yesterday, though, something else happened which might have been quite traumatic for him. I only realized this when I lay in bed and thought back over the day. After school he spends time outdoors with a few other boys, under the supervision of a fun and energetic woman in the neighbourhood. They were in the park for his birthday celebration.

I, however, only saw him in the evening when we met him and the rest of the family for dinner at a restaurant. They were already there when we arrived, and straight away Curly-Locks said to me 'Look what happened to me', and pointed to his forehead. I gave him a kiss on the appointed spot, and noticed his skin was sticky-sweet. Anyhow, keen to wish him 'Happy Birthday' and give him his present (a tennis racquet among a couple of smaller gifts), I simply went ahead with that. Then his mom showed me some photos. Turned out Curly-Locks had received a pie in the face.

How would you like to experience such a thing? I don't think I would, especially seeing as it was likely unexpected (I don't know this for sure). So I regretted not picking up on the clue, being in the moment and giving Curly-Locks the chance to verbalize what happened.

In general he's a child who puts a brave face on. I'm hoping to find a time today when we can talk for a few quiet moments.

Mother's Day

Mothering is a sacred task, and  demanding one. We wish everything of the best for our children and yet, sadly, it's easy for us or the world to do them harm, psychically and physically.

So, dear mothers, this is my wish for you, their guardians: have the courage to go against the mainstream if what's usually done appears harmful to you with regard to your kids. Maybe this means saying 'no' to a birthday party invitation for example. From toddler to teenager, I used to make a point of finding out in advance what was likely to be on offer. On the other hand, know when to compromise and, perhaps, compensate.

But today, relax and give yourself some credit!

Some thoughts on measles

As some of you know, my fourth baby was born three weeks late. I always joked (sort of) that he waited so that I could nurse his older brother through the measles. Yes, he needed nursing, to be kept quiet in bed, in a darkened room (even though this was 'proved' to be unnecessary, it did ease the situation). After ten days or so, when he recovered, I experienced the same thing as with his two elder sisters: that the illness had been a help to him and brought a profound satisfaction. Somehow or other, he was more content, more himself. Happier in his skin.

In those long-ago days, we didn't have the MMR vaccine, so all of my kids had measles, mumps and rubella, as well as chicken pox. They weren't dangerously sick with any of these childhood diseases, although there was discomfort and fever. But then, we were living a healthy, outdoor lifestyle in South Africa, eating mostly our own organic/Bio-dynamic vegetables, and my children were used to being proper patients: i.e. staying in bed when they had flu and so forth. Today, in general, I'd say we are far away from that culture.

I think we can't do justice to the whether or not to vaccinate debate if we don't consider the question of incarnation. As opposed to the term 'growing up' we could say that the ego 'grows down'. Some of us are never fully incarnated, but certainly there's a maturity that comes at twenty-one (the old, traditional 'coming of age' time) and even more so with twenty-eight. All fevers can help with the process because the ego is connected with warmth and fire.

In my book 'Magical Motherhood' I suggest it's up to the parents to decide what they can handle. Also, if the decision is made to go with inoculation, it's definitely worth looking at immune-boosting remedies such as you find in anthroposophical medicine and homeopathy. When we did the smallpox vaccine for our elder son (he who had the measles just before his brother was born) I was advised to dose him with Thuja D6 to help offset the negative effects. Whether or not that's enough, who can say?

Bringing a true Christmas mood to your children.

It seems to me this is becoming more and more difficult. As is so often the case, stories can help. This year I've been reading Alan Howard's wonderful 'Nativity Stories' to our grandsons, who are now six and eight. The day after I read the first story to the six year old he asked to have it again. Surely an endorsement!

They are old enough now to know quite a few Christmas carols, and enjoy singing both the quieter and more joyous ones.

In days gone by we most often had the chance to attend the medieval Oberufer Christmas plays. They always brought a quiet and reverent upliftment. This year we didn't get the chance, but we did have the grace of attending an Advent spiral, accompanied by harp music.

As our two younger grandsons will be away from home for Christmas, I'm sending them each a special card, for the younger, Fra Angelico's 'Flight into Egypt' and the older, Bernardo Luini's Madonna and Child.

Why am I choosing these paintings from the old masters? Well, children today are increasingly exposed to screen time during the day. Many of the images they see are ugly, even hideous, and often frightening. And the trouble is, they'll take them into sleep with them. So, I thought, it's good if they can have a card to look at before they turn off the light or blow out the candle. Then maybe they can sleep peacefully and truly benefit from this holy time of the year.

Modifying behaviour via imitation

Yesterday we took the boys to the beach. It was a glorious late summer's day, the air was soft, the river water not too warm and not too chilly, although shallow... which was lovely for the children, of course.

The blue-eyed boy, now eight (!) was constructing in the sand, a simple conical tower with a moat around it. Another boy (he must have been about eighteen months old) crawled up with great determination. I was standing nearby. As he rose to his feet and lifted a foot, I could see he was intending to bash down the tower. That would not have pleased the blue-eyed boy. So I quickly suggested, "Pat the tower sand. Show him how to do it."

The blue-eyed boy did as I suggested.

At that point the toddler's older sister came rushing up. "Don't bash it! Don't bash it!"

"It's okay," I said. "Keep patting."

The little one plumped down, reached out a tentative hand and... sure enough, he copied the blue-eyed boy. All was well.

What a simple solution, but obviously one the family had never thought to use.

Yes, imitation can be a useful and easy way to modify the behavior of small kids.