Sometimes I think the golden key to parenting is to sense the moment and seize it. If you can develop this skill and go with the moment, you'll be helping both yourself and the child. From the very early stages of babyhood when you start to learn, for example, just when baby needs to nurse, sleep, or have a diaper change, right up till the teenage time, when it'll be really important to sense when your teenager needs to talk. Yes, your parenting will likely be easier if you can coast that moment.
Like so much about bringing them up, our children train us. For instance, babies will reach for the spoon you're holding, or maybe put their hand on yours as it comes towards their mouths. This gives you the clue that they're wanting to give feeding themselves a try. You may well balk, because you know this is going to get messy. Very messy. But you'll go with it if you're brave.
Then there's toilet training. Somewhere between two and two and a half years, I believe, a child will naturally start to acquire control of their bodily functions. Girls are usually sooner than boys on this. Co-operate by encouragement and even by leaving off the diapers and using underpants. Again, things are going to be messy for a bit, but the achievement will make all worthwhile. Let alone the eventual convenience for you. That is, of course, after you've discovered all the toilets around town.
Now there's a biggie which I'm going to address in a separate post when I'm feeling brave enough. It's one which rouses a lot of emotion, and has to do with breast-feeding. Here again, I believe, it's good to be open to signs that indicate the time is right to let go.
Of course, sometimes we may miss the moment, intentionally or unintentionally. Then we can take comfort in knowing there's usually a second chance.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
These shoes are made for running?
I was listening to an interview/report on the radio this morning. The thrust of it was that the heels of running shoes have become more and more built up over the last ten years. Apparently this interferes with our natural gait (if I can apply that term to running), and there's a growing concern about damage to the feet. Professional runners who train barefoot, apparently, have an increasing advantage.
Children's shoes, unfortunately, follow the trends. When I was at ballet school we were obliged to wear a certain make and shape of 'Mary Janes' to keep our feet in as good a shape as possible. (Pointe shoes of course are a disaster.) The soles of these were leather, which meant they were not too rigid, and there was no 'turn up' at the toe. Unfortunately, these days it's extremely difficult to find suitable footwear for a small child, and usually the good makes are expensive. And then, of course, they're all too quickly outgrown. Our elder son used to wonder why his shoes shrank!
In winter our children need boots, shoes, socks and soft slippers for indoors. But now, but now, summer is a comin' in. Only last week the grandsons got out in the garden and pulled off their socks with great glee. And soon they'll be spending plenty of time at the beach. Nothing is better for feet than walking on beach sand. Gives a good workout, strengthens and allows our soles and toes to feel truly connected to the earth.
If you're interested, here's an article I can recommend.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/09/barefoot-best-for-children?
Children's shoes, unfortunately, follow the trends. When I was at ballet school we were obliged to wear a certain make and shape of 'Mary Janes' to keep our feet in as good a shape as possible. (Pointe shoes of course are a disaster.) The soles of these were leather, which meant they were not too rigid, and there was no 'turn up' at the toe. Unfortunately, these days it's extremely difficult to find suitable footwear for a small child, and usually the good makes are expensive. And then, of course, they're all too quickly outgrown. Our elder son used to wonder why his shoes shrank!
In winter our children need boots, shoes, socks and soft slippers for indoors. But now, but now, summer is a comin' in. Only last week the grandsons got out in the garden and pulled off their socks with great glee. And soon they'll be spending plenty of time at the beach. Nothing is better for feet than walking on beach sand. Gives a good workout, strengthens and allows our soles and toes to feel truly connected to the earth.
If you're interested, here's an article I can recommend.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/09/barefoot-best-for-children?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
It's cool to be warm
The Blue-eyed boy loves to play that 'hunt the thimble' game.
I've just returned from the dentist, so this could well prove to be a scrappy post. Let's hope I can keep it to that and not end up by losing the 's'.
It's just that clothing is on my mind. This is because I'm rediscovering my summer wardrobe. Yay! I'm also thinking about that old English adage 'Ne'er cast a clout till May be out'. Britain must have been a colder place when that originated than it is today. I've always thought the 'clout' mostly referred to wearing a vest (undershirt, for North Americans). As far as I can see, when it comes to kids, this is a garment that's vanished from the stores and closets.
Maybe that's still different in Germany. In my book I talk about the study that was done to discover why the British suffered from more ill-health in their latter years than did the Germans. The conclusion was that they weren't kept as warmly dressed when they were little.
In our time, children's clothing, like books, toys and all other merchandise catering for the early years, is geared towards appealing to the grown-up buyers, rather than focusing on what's best for the child's present and future health. There's lots more to be said about clothing, but today I'd simply like to caution you. When it comes to dressing your little one, it's better to err on the side of warmer rather than cooler. If your child feels even a tad chilly, this will cause both bodily and psychical stress, and these are exactly what we want to avoid.
And don't forget the hat!
I've just returned from the dentist, so this could well prove to be a scrappy post. Let's hope I can keep it to that and not end up by losing the 's'.
It's just that clothing is on my mind. This is because I'm rediscovering my summer wardrobe. Yay! I'm also thinking about that old English adage 'Ne'er cast a clout till May be out'. Britain must have been a colder place when that originated than it is today. I've always thought the 'clout' mostly referred to wearing a vest (undershirt, for North Americans). As far as I can see, when it comes to kids, this is a garment that's vanished from the stores and closets.
Maybe that's still different in Germany. In my book I talk about the study that was done to discover why the British suffered from more ill-health in their latter years than did the Germans. The conclusion was that they weren't kept as warmly dressed when they were little.
In our time, children's clothing, like books, toys and all other merchandise catering for the early years, is geared towards appealing to the grown-up buyers, rather than focusing on what's best for the child's present and future health. There's lots more to be said about clothing, but today I'd simply like to caution you. When it comes to dressing your little one, it's better to err on the side of warmer rather than cooler. If your child feels even a tad chilly, this will cause both bodily and psychical stress, and these are exactly what we want to avoid.
And don't forget the hat!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Self-discipline and high chairs
I've found the notes I made about the program I listened to on the benefits of being out in nature. One thing I forgot to mention is that this helps towards self-discipline. Who would have thought?
In Victorian times and even during the first half of the 20th century, child-rearing employed a very rigid approach. Then the pendulum swung completely the other way. Now, I think, we're grasping for a good middle road between the two. We want to help our children become self-disciplined. At least, I hope we do. A world where the undisciplined child is all-powerful is not something I'd like to contemplate.
It's worth establishing good habits while it's still easy. For instance, at mealtimes, you have baby in the highchair. It's good if the child can get used to sitting at the table while the family is eating, and only get down when everyone is finished. Within reason, of course. Once the child sits on his own, encourage him or her to sit with 'hands in your lap' until it's time to start eating. If a grace is said, that can also be helpful, and in my experience, children love this.
On the subject of high chairs, make sure it's comfortable. Don't keep 'em dangling -- the legs, that is. Old-fashioned high chairs always had a ledge for the child's feet to rest on. This is much more comfortable and better for them because it gives some support. So see if you can find one like that, and avoid the cheap chairs that simply have a seat. Secondhand can often be good.
Also, there's the question of posture. One of the most beautiful, tender and touching things to observe in small children is the way they sit and stand with perfect posture. It seems to me this extraordinary and wonderful gift is often undermined today with seating that offers an inclined back. Why would we want to encourage our children to slouch when the retention of a good, upright posture will help us throughout our lives?
And by the way, how are you yourself sitting right now? Crumpled forward means squishing our internal organs. So, just a quick check in!
In Victorian times and even during the first half of the 20th century, child-rearing employed a very rigid approach. Then the pendulum swung completely the other way. Now, I think, we're grasping for a good middle road between the two. We want to help our children become self-disciplined. At least, I hope we do. A world where the undisciplined child is all-powerful is not something I'd like to contemplate.
It's worth establishing good habits while it's still easy. For instance, at mealtimes, you have baby in the highchair. It's good if the child can get used to sitting at the table while the family is eating, and only get down when everyone is finished. Within reason, of course. Once the child sits on his own, encourage him or her to sit with 'hands in your lap' until it's time to start eating. If a grace is said, that can also be helpful, and in my experience, children love this.
On the subject of high chairs, make sure it's comfortable. Don't keep 'em dangling -- the legs, that is. Old-fashioned high chairs always had a ledge for the child's feet to rest on. This is much more comfortable and better for them because it gives some support. So see if you can find one like that, and avoid the cheap chairs that simply have a seat. Secondhand can often be good.
Also, there's the question of posture. One of the most beautiful, tender and touching things to observe in small children is the way they sit and stand with perfect posture. It seems to me this extraordinary and wonderful gift is often undermined today with seating that offers an inclined back. Why would we want to encourage our children to slouch when the retention of a good, upright posture will help us throughout our lives?
And by the way, how are you yourself sitting right now? Crumpled forward means squishing our internal organs. So, just a quick check in!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
An Article about Singing and Language
Worth a read: http://gu.com/p/2pved
And please note particularly what is said re writing, reading and numeracy skills.
And please note particularly what is said re writing, reading and numeracy skills.
Mothers' Help
On this Mothers Day in our part of the world, I wanted to share a couple of ideas as to what can help us mothers as we strive to do our best for our children. I'd like to start with a small anecdote.
This past week, a dear friend of mine posted a picture of her bruised and blue finger on Facebook. She'd caught it 'between a rock and a hard place' as she said. I immediately commented, 'See, this is what happens if you don't have Weleda Arnica ointment to hand.' She replied that, strangely enough, she'd just recently bought some. So she applied it and today has posted an update on the finger. The improvement she describes as 'miraculous'.
As I wrote in my book, I don't know how any mother survives without arnica ointment. If applied very soon after an injury has occurred (never to broken skin, though) it takes pain away and prevents bruising or eggs on the head. Now, there's a balance to this. We don't want to molly-coddle our kids, but we don't want them to suffer unnecessarily. So we need to sense when they need a little doctoring. Having said that, I always apply arnica ointment whenever there's a blow to the head. This is likely to be often when your baby grows into the toddling stage. You don't want lingering harmful effects when it comes to the brain.
But help doesn't always have to be so tangible. There's that biblical quote about lifting up mine eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help. This is usually misinterpreted to mean help comes from the hills. Instead, it's a question.
At the moment, I'm re-reading a book by Adam Bittleston called 'Our Spiritual Companions'. He writes so beautifully about the archangel Gabriel and suggests that parents can get help from him. But how to connect to this great beaing? Adam Bittleston writes, 'through your feelings'. That's interesting, isn't it, when so much of what we read in the way of parenting advice is connected more with our heads than our hearts? So, to feel what your child wants and needs, and be open to subtle intuitions.
He also provides another key as to how we can connect. This is via gratitude. On this mothers day, when we turn loving thoughts in gratitude towards our own mothers, it seems to me that's totally apt.
This past week, a dear friend of mine posted a picture of her bruised and blue finger on Facebook. She'd caught it 'between a rock and a hard place' as she said. I immediately commented, 'See, this is what happens if you don't have Weleda Arnica ointment to hand.' She replied that, strangely enough, she'd just recently bought some. So she applied it and today has posted an update on the finger. The improvement she describes as 'miraculous'.
As I wrote in my book, I don't know how any mother survives without arnica ointment. If applied very soon after an injury has occurred (never to broken skin, though) it takes pain away and prevents bruising or eggs on the head. Now, there's a balance to this. We don't want to molly-coddle our kids, but we don't want them to suffer unnecessarily. So we need to sense when they need a little doctoring. Having said that, I always apply arnica ointment whenever there's a blow to the head. This is likely to be often when your baby grows into the toddling stage. You don't want lingering harmful effects when it comes to the brain.
But help doesn't always have to be so tangible. There's that biblical quote about lifting up mine eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help. This is usually misinterpreted to mean help comes from the hills. Instead, it's a question.
At the moment, I'm re-reading a book by Adam Bittleston called 'Our Spiritual Companions'. He writes so beautifully about the archangel Gabriel and suggests that parents can get help from him. But how to connect to this great beaing? Adam Bittleston writes, 'through your feelings'. That's interesting, isn't it, when so much of what we read in the way of parenting advice is connected more with our heads than our hearts? So, to feel what your child wants and needs, and be open to subtle intuitions.
He also provides another key as to how we can connect. This is via gratitude. On this mothers day, when we turn loving thoughts in gratitude towards our own mothers, it seems to me that's totally apt.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Scientific Validation (long post)
The way my life works these days means that some things relevant to recent posts presented themselves to me. (Big ups to you if you can work out what that sentence means. If not, please complain... uh, I mean, comment!)
Did you register that throw-away remark about how walking in nature was the best thing for my grandsons? Well, yesterday I happened to turn on the radio while I was making my mid-morning coffee. The topic had to do with the need for green spaces in our cities, not simply for cosmetic purposes, but for our mental and physical health. It was mentioned that the Victorians got this right. Having lived near Regents Park in London, I can totally endorse that. Also, much was made about the latest brain research, especially around the difference of living in the city versus living in the country. Stress is higher in the city. No surprise there, although adults benefit from a certain amount of stress. Children? Not. And the sad thing is that children today are increasingly suffering from stress and anxiety. Apparently, the main cause of stress in the city is around noise. (another subject I mentioned recently) The antidote to all this, in case you haven't worked it out already, is to be in nature, walking through the green, listening to bird song and the whisperings of brooks and streams. More, being in a green space can restore something of what is damaged. It lifts the mood too (so, a good effect on the body and the pscyhe). In fact, the radio show mentioned that even looking out the window at green grass can give us a lift.
Now, I'm not a science buff. At school, the only scientific subject I had was biology. On the other hand I had arts in abundance, and religion when I was at primary school. These last two form the general bent of my soul, so I'm not complaining. Rather, I'm grateful. But I do feel a little tad ashamed at my lack of science. If I had more, I could throw all sorts of convincing terms at you so you wouldn't have to take my words at face value! Because more and more, the latest research validates the kinds of things I recommend and write about.
Now, too much noise = stress, which creates cortisol in the brain and that has a dampening effect on the immune system. As a side note, small children are more susceptible to noise than adults and their hearing can be damaged at a lower decibel rate than ours. So, if you can't eliminate electronic-sounds from their toys, at the very least avoid the loud ones. When you absolutely have to go into an environment which you know is going to be noisy, maybe investigate earplugs for your kid? These are not a good idea as a general rule, but okay in exceptional cases, I imagine.
Since I published 'Magical Motherhood' in 2008, much of what I wrote has been validated by the latest research, although with a slightly different twist. For instance, I advocate a back-facing stroller. That is, where your little one can face you and gaze at your face instead of being exposed and completely vulnerable to whatever is coming towards them. This makes babies and small children feel more secure. But research done in England says it also makes them more intelligent. And that's the general bent of the research.
All very well, but I sometimes wonder if I've done myself a favour here. The Blue-Eyed boy is much too smart and not only asks questions but, as he thinks through my answer, follows that up with more inquiry. Not only that, but he remembers what is said. And frankly, I'm not very good at finding imaginative ways to explain things to him. Wish I were.
Anyhow, the acquisition of an excellent memory is another benefit to bringing up a child in this manner. Our memories are increasingly under threat from our overloaded lives. I notice that friends much younger than me have worse memories than I do.
What all this boils down to is very simple. You'll be doing your children a favour if you let them enjoy the outdoors, take them into nature as often as possible and simply let them be and play under God's heaven whenever the weather is mild enough.
Did you register that throw-away remark about how walking in nature was the best thing for my grandsons? Well, yesterday I happened to turn on the radio while I was making my mid-morning coffee. The topic had to do with the need for green spaces in our cities, not simply for cosmetic purposes, but for our mental and physical health. It was mentioned that the Victorians got this right. Having lived near Regents Park in London, I can totally endorse that. Also, much was made about the latest brain research, especially around the difference of living in the city versus living in the country. Stress is higher in the city. No surprise there, although adults benefit from a certain amount of stress. Children? Not. And the sad thing is that children today are increasingly suffering from stress and anxiety. Apparently, the main cause of stress in the city is around noise. (another subject I mentioned recently) The antidote to all this, in case you haven't worked it out already, is to be in nature, walking through the green, listening to bird song and the whisperings of brooks and streams. More, being in a green space can restore something of what is damaged. It lifts the mood too (so, a good effect on the body and the pscyhe). In fact, the radio show mentioned that even looking out the window at green grass can give us a lift.
Now, I'm not a science buff. At school, the only scientific subject I had was biology. On the other hand I had arts in abundance, and religion when I was at primary school. These last two form the general bent of my soul, so I'm not complaining. Rather, I'm grateful. But I do feel a little tad ashamed at my lack of science. If I had more, I could throw all sorts of convincing terms at you so you wouldn't have to take my words at face value! Because more and more, the latest research validates the kinds of things I recommend and write about.
Now, too much noise = stress, which creates cortisol in the brain and that has a dampening effect on the immune system. As a side note, small children are more susceptible to noise than adults and their hearing can be damaged at a lower decibel rate than ours. So, if you can't eliminate electronic-sounds from their toys, at the very least avoid the loud ones. When you absolutely have to go into an environment which you know is going to be noisy, maybe investigate earplugs for your kid? These are not a good idea as a general rule, but okay in exceptional cases, I imagine.
Since I published 'Magical Motherhood' in 2008, much of what I wrote has been validated by the latest research, although with a slightly different twist. For instance, I advocate a back-facing stroller. That is, where your little one can face you and gaze at your face instead of being exposed and completely vulnerable to whatever is coming towards them. This makes babies and small children feel more secure. But research done in England says it also makes them more intelligent. And that's the general bent of the research.
All very well, but I sometimes wonder if I've done myself a favour here. The Blue-Eyed boy is much too smart and not only asks questions but, as he thinks through my answer, follows that up with more inquiry. Not only that, but he remembers what is said. And frankly, I'm not very good at finding imaginative ways to explain things to him. Wish I were.
Anyhow, the acquisition of an excellent memory is another benefit to bringing up a child in this manner. Our memories are increasingly under threat from our overloaded lives. I notice that friends much younger than me have worse memories than I do.
What all this boils down to is very simple. You'll be doing your children a favour if you let them enjoy the outdoors, take them into nature as often as possible and simply let them be and play under God's heaven whenever the weather is mild enough.
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