SCHOOL READINESS AND THE CHILD'S DEVELOPING BRAIN

Our four children all began their schooldays in the southern hemisphere, which meant... in January. So there are parents in that half of the world who are wondering 'Is my little girl or boy really ready for this big step?'
   
Almost every week I read about new research that proves the benefits of starting school later rather than earlier. This applies even to kindergarten, although I'd say if you find a really good Waldorf kindergarten you might happily entrust your four year old to the teacher's tender care. In any case, as a parent who yearns to do the best for your child, you might ask, "How can I judge when my child is ready for formal schooling?" The usual way is to go by age, but each of us is a unique individual, right?

Actually the subject is a complex one. Waldorf schools employ a process, and usually prefer a 7 year-old rather than a 6 year-old start. Dr. Rudolf Steiner actually indicates that the best way is to remember when your child was conceived, sometime before the middle of November, or toward the end. A simple guideline can be what usually happens around the age of six: i.e. the milk teeth begin to loosen and fall out. This signals a new development of the brain, one you can foster by... wait for it... teaching your child to knit! This is an ideal activity when for when your children are around seven or eight years of age.

I thought of this yesterday when I had to go for a routine blood test. Expecting to wait, I took a book with me. When I was done, I passed through the waiting room again. There sat a woman, happily engaged with her knitting. I was struck by delight, especially as everyone else was engrossed in the cyber-world rather than the real. But there she sat, content with her productive activity, and I thought, "Good for you!"

These are the needles and wool (yes, wool, not artificial yarn) I bought for my grandsons. It's a good idea to cast on a few stitches for them. I clearly remember having to ask my gran for help with this when I was young. And there's a nice Waldorf verse you can use to help the child. Here it is:

In through the front door,
Once around the back,
Peek through the window,
And off jumps Jack!

Advent tide

Here we are, approaching the second Sunday in Advent, a week when we specially think of our debt to the plant world and acknowledge our gratitude. Last Sunday the grandsons, now nine and seven years old, came over with their parents for a simple celebration at our house.

They came about an hour before we sat down to share a meal together. When they arrived, the house was in darkness (the sun sets soon after 4.20 p.m. these days). I met them in the entrance hall, and gave each of them a candlestick to carry.

We lit their candles and they carried them into our living/dining room and placed them carefully on the mantelpiece. Then we lit other candles around the room and the children sat down to hear a Christmas story read. Over the years I've collected quite a few and they work well for setting a mood... especially in candlelight.

So there mom and dad sat, each with a boy on the lap, listening by candlelight. This was such a lovely sight that I thought I should take a photo. I even went so far as to fetch my digital camera. But then I thought... 'No, a flash, the taking of a photo, will totally intrude and interfere with this special moment. So I refrained.

After the story we sang a song together 'People look East'. Cheryl had never heard that before. Luckily I'd thought to print out four copies of the words so we could all join in. The lyrics are easily found on the web.

Over the years I've also collected art postcards of the Annunciation. I selected a couple of these to have as images around the room. In these days when so much of what meets our eyes is hideous, not to mention evil, it's helpful to look at the beautiful and true.

So here is the Angel Gabriel to salute you on this Advent Friday. I send you a virtual lily and wish you a quiet, lovely moment or two.

Your baby's journal: reminder and excerpt.

We have our two older grandsons staying with us. They are now 12 and 11 years old and are amused and delighted when I tell them funny things they said when they were small. I know it takes effort, but if you can record these kinds of things in your baby's journal (well, they'll be toddlers and older when they learn to speak, of course!) you'll find it well worth while.

Here's an excerpt from Letter Thirteen of my book 'Magical Motherhood, A Series of Letters to Cheryl' as an example.*

     I found it fascinating to observe the different ways Josh and Rory took hold of language. Josh loved adverbs and adjectives — sticky, slow, fast – and especially liked three syllable words. One day I swept the kitchen floor. As I finished, I commented, “Well, that’s better, but not marvellous.” He went around muttering “marvellous, marvellous.”

    Don’t miss the opportunity to record such things in your child’s journal. One of my regrets is that I didn’t make more detailed notes, starting with Miranda. By the time Ben came along I recognized how much of what I believed I’d remember I’d forgotten! So I have more of his delightful ways and sayings – sometimes funny, sometimes wise – than of the three others. I brought out my notebooks when we celebrated his twenty-first birthday, still the true time of our coming of age. When I read out some of the amusing things he said, the questions he asked, he nearly fell off his chair, he was laughing so hard!

     And now I’ve also recorded things that Josh and Rory say when I’m with them. Ah, how the heart sighs and smiles to read and be reminded of those precious moments.

* available from http://www.magicalmotherhood.com  

or email magicalmotherhood@rogers.com

On the right foot

This will be a very brief post, but, I hope, a useful one.

Our son was teaching his neighbour's little boy how to know which shoe goes on the right foot and which on the left. He simply told him, "See the pointy bits at the end? They must go together."

Now why didn't I ever think of that?

Reading Fairy and Folk Tales

Yesterday the Blue-eyed Boy, who's about to turn nine (!), came to be with us. Both he and I were suffering from what you might call 'too much weekend'. I hosted a pot luck lunch celebration and he had his birthday party with a sleepover. Being a sensitive child, the excitement had to be dealt with in some way, and so he was a bit 'piano' and his forehead and chin felt hot to the touch, although from the way his eyes looked, I don't think he was running a fever.

He arrived with a basket-load of books and settled down to read. After a while he asked me if I'd read to him, which I did. Now, the story we read about some hero in fantasy land (I've forgotten the name but there are many in the series) was fairly innocuous and quite fun, but later I thought it would be good to put something else in his head, some mind-pictures that might serve as food for the soul and maybe even possess some underlying moral content. So I read him a long story from 'Celtic Tales', a collection of folk tales I can really recommend.

He listened, spell-bound, a sure sign that he's not too old for such tales. When he was younger we went more with the classic Grimm's stories such as Sleeping Beauty, Mother Holle, the Musicians of Bremen, the Shoemaker and his Wife and so on. These I read in a matter-of-fact tone. No drama. But I did allow myself more expression with 'King Conal's Horses'.

'French Fairy Tales' is another book I can recommend, and you can always look for the Andrew Lang collections. I also used 'Stories for Six Year Olds' for my children and the grandsons. Some of these are retellings of the old tales, but usually done with sensitivity. On the other hand, especially in the world of young adult books, recently there's been a fashion to re-work some of the stories in order to make the princesses more feisty and pro-active, in line with our feminist views today. This always feels to me like a misreading, a kind of betrayal of the originals. If you think of archetypal images, very often the feminine, the princess, represents the soul. I'd say that in our modern world it's exactly this, the soul, that very often needs rescuing and freeing from imprisonment in illusion.

I don't know how the Blue-eyed Boy felt at the end of the day, but me, I felt re-energized and ready to engage with life again.

p.s. A week later, and he's with us again. And what does he ask for? For me to read the same story once again. I was happy to do so.

When and how to speak up?

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut (yay!). My hairdresser is a lovely young Vietnamese woman who has an eighteen-month old son. We got to talking, of course, and she confided to me how she doesn't bath him every day, but does wash him. She was kind of hesitant about this, but when I told her I approved and we spoke about not washing off the good oils and everything that helps to strengthen the immune system, and that latest research confirms this, she was happy. I encouraged her to go with her own instincts, even if other parents disapproved. Then she said, as a mother, how important it was to think. Ohhhh yes.

She told me how, on a quick visit to the close-by supermarket to pick up some lunch, she'd been standing waiting at the checkout and noticed that the woman in front of her held a sleeping baby whose head flopped from one side to the other as his mother moved. This distressed her, and she wanted to point it out. But "You know how defensive people can be," she said. Nevertheless, she felt compelled to say something. So she commented on the cute baby and did actually say that maybe his head needed support.

Now this is the kind of dilemma I face so often. Her way was a good way, I think, but what to do when I'm taking a walk around the neighbourhood and see a baby facing the sun, trying desperately to hide her eyes and face from its bright rays? Or when a child is obviously underdressed for the weather? Is it my business to comment, or better to speak up?

Any tips or ideas on how to draw attention to harmful practices in an acceptable way would be much appreciated!

Picking up on the Clues

Long time no blog! Mostly I've been posting links on my facebook page. If you'd like to keep up to date with these, you could 'like' me at https://www.facebook.com/YourSpiritualChild. In any case, this action would be much appreciated and help spread the good word!

Today I have something on my mind. See, it was Curly-Locks's seventh birthday yesterday. It's amazing and wonderful to observe the magic that happens after the first of the seven year periods, to see how he's taken another step in coming into himself. What a pity he started school last September instead of next. More and more research is emerging which supports a later-is-best when it comes to formal learning. But you know, sometimes children have their own protection. It's my observation that mostly his classes have wafted by him without penetrating too far!

Yesterday, though, something else happened which might have been quite traumatic for him. I only realized this when I lay in bed and thought back over the day. After school he spends time outdoors with a few other boys, under the supervision of a fun and energetic woman in the neighbourhood. They were in the park for his birthday celebration.

I, however, only saw him in the evening when we met him and the rest of the family for dinner at a restaurant. They were already there when we arrived, and straight away Curly-Locks said to me 'Look what happened to me', and pointed to his forehead. I gave him a kiss on the appointed spot, and noticed his skin was sticky-sweet. Anyhow, keen to wish him 'Happy Birthday' and give him his present (a tennis racquet among a couple of smaller gifts), I simply went ahead with that. Then his mom showed me some photos. Turned out Curly-Locks had received a pie in the face.

How would you like to experience such a thing? I don't think I would, especially seeing as it was likely unexpected (I don't know this for sure). So I regretted not picking up on the clue, being in the moment and giving Curly-Locks the chance to verbalize what happened.

In general he's a child who puts a brave face on. I'm hoping to find a time today when we can talk for a few quiet moments.

Mother's Day

Mothering is a sacred task, and  demanding one. We wish everything of the best for our children and yet, sadly, it's easy for us or the world to do them harm, psychically and physically.

So, dear mothers, this is my wish for you, their guardians: have the courage to go against the mainstream if what's usually done appears harmful to you with regard to your kids. Maybe this means saying 'no' to a birthday party invitation for example. From toddler to teenager, I used to make a point of finding out in advance what was likely to be on offer. On the other hand, know when to compromise and, perhaps, compensate.

But today, relax and give yourself some credit!

Some thoughts on measles

As some of you know, my fourth baby was born three weeks late. I always joked (sort of) that he waited so that I could nurse his older brother through the measles. Yes, he needed nursing, to be kept quiet in bed, in a darkened room (even though this was 'proved' to be unnecessary, it did ease the situation). After ten days or so, when he recovered, I experienced the same thing as with his two elder sisters: that the illness had been a help to him and brought a profound satisfaction. Somehow or other, he was more content, more himself. Happier in his skin.

In those long-ago days, we didn't have the MMR vaccine, so all of my kids had measles, mumps and rubella, as well as chicken pox. They weren't dangerously sick with any of these childhood diseases, although there was discomfort and fever. But then, we were living a healthy, outdoor lifestyle in South Africa, eating mostly our own organic/Bio-dynamic vegetables, and my children were used to being proper patients: i.e. staying in bed when they had flu and so forth. Today, in general, I'd say we are far away from that culture.

I think we can't do justice to the whether or not to vaccinate debate if we don't consider the question of incarnation. As opposed to the term 'growing up' we could say that the ego 'grows down'. Some of us are never fully incarnated, but certainly there's a maturity that comes at twenty-one (the old, traditional 'coming of age' time) and even more so with twenty-eight. All fevers can help with the process because the ego is connected with warmth and fire.

In my book 'Magical Motherhood' I suggest it's up to the parents to decide what they can handle. Also, if the decision is made to go with inoculation, it's definitely worth looking at immune-boosting remedies such as you find in anthroposophical medicine and homeopathy. When we did the smallpox vaccine for our elder son (he who had the measles just before his brother was born) I was advised to dose him with Thuja D6 to help offset the negative effects. Whether or not that's enough, who can say?