The magic of Christmas

At midnight on Christmas Eve, I love to step outside and look upwards, opening myself to the heavens. I hold in my imagination that wonderful image of the angels shining and jubilating at the birth of the Christ child. If the stars are visible, so much the more wonderful.

Our family came for a visit. We lit the tree and sang some carols, accompanied by our son on the clarinet. Afterwards he called to thank us for the evening and said how much he'd longed for our grandsons to experience just this, the same magic he'd experienced as a child. You can surely imagine how touched I was by his words. They affirmed for me the importance of bringing such images to our small ones, true soul food that can bring strength for later life.

More on what we did on this occasion next time.
Till then, remember that we are still living in the grace of the Holy Days and Nights.

The Thirteen Holy Nights

During this time when the spiritual world can approach us in a special way, I tend to cut computer time to a minimum. So all I would suggest, is that you keep a dream journal until January 6th to see what the angels might want to reveal to you.

Here is an image from our home for you. Even if you don't connect to the traditional Bible story, you might be able to sense the new birth that the coming of the great Sun-spirit brings to us all.

Blessings, love and light,
Brenda

p.s. I took this photo early on Christmas Eve, so the baby is not yet in the waiting crib. But he's there now!

The Winter Solstice

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, the darkest time of the year draws near. Let's make the most of this experience! Why? Because these are the ways to live with the cycle of the year that help us to connect to the Spirit of the World, as I explained in a previous post.

Now, I'm very grateful for the blessings of electricity, the convenience of being able to flick a switch and have light whenever I need or want. But let's live a little in the darkness too. On these gloomy mornings I go downstairs to prepare breakfast and the only light I use is one under-counter light. Then when we sit down to eat, the candle is lit. Such a very different kind of glow! A child will respond with  reverence and take in the gentle contrast between soft light and dark day.

On a bright day we have the blessing of being up early enough to watch the sun rise, another attribute of this time of year. And in the evenings the tender pinks and mauves festoon the sky.

Today I'll be busy with cleaning and clearing. This helps me to prepare inwardly for the coming of the new. At the Winter Solstice I'll know that the daylight hours will begin to increase again, and that after the mysterious interval of three days, the Holy Night will be here.

Every parent's friend: St. Nicholas

Today we celebrate and expect a visit from St. Nicholas. So why do I consider him every parent's friend? Well, he can be a huge help for guiding kids' behavior because he has a big book where he notes down all they've done during the year, all the good things and the bad. He rewards the good with chocolate (or gold!) and the bad, with coal (also useful, actually, and an interesting metaphor when you think you burn it).

If you don't expect to have a real visit, it's fine to put out the shoes the night before so they can receive the gifts. Also, you might write a little note to explain where the child is going in a good direction, and where not.

I used this last during my children's teenaged years, although that grew to more of a letter than just a note. But I was always amazed how well they received the complaints, gentle nudges and of course, the praise. Maybe it was because that was somehow more objective and a little removed from Mom. A good rule to follow is, three praises/affirmations to one complaint/request!

Happy St. Nicholas day, everyone. It's okay to reward yourself too!

Preparing for Christmas

'Trim the hearth and set the table.'

That's what I did for the first Sunday in Advent, when the family came to share and mark the afternoon and evening with us. Maybe you'll recognize the lines from the Christmas carol 'People look East'. Mainly, I focused on angels, stars, candles and images of the Annunciation, postcards of art masterpieces that I've collected over the years. I also brought out some crystals, because each week we'll focus on one of the four elements, and for this first one, it's 'earth'.

However, before I began to bring out the Christmas decorations, I cleared the decks. That is, I put away things like the family photographs, and other knickknacks. Not that we have many of those around the place, but still.

And I dusted.

These two activities are connected with making space for the spirit of Christmas. I learned this preparation from a wise daughter, one time when she came to stay and offered to decorate our house. Which she did most beautifully. I was extremely grateful.

My apologies, but the second photo might make you feel a little dizzy. But you could think of the angle from which it's taken as giving you more of an angel's view! And note the blue cloth, which brings an inward mood.

This is a wonderful stable, isn't it? I found it on a neighbour's garage sale. Over the next weeks we'll add some animals, and Mary and Joseph will journey closer and closer.

A blessed Advent to you all.

King Winter arrives!

And his timing couldn't have been better. See, I bought this yesterday at our Waldorf Christmas Fair, always a place to discover treasures.

You'll see he takes pride of place, along with the miniature marble bust of Nefertiti. I, along with many others, was Nefertiti in a previous incarnation. Not. But certainly, I spent time in ancient Egypt. And not so ancient Egypt, actually, because I bought her years ago in the Cairo museum.

But I digress. This is what we woke up to this morning:

Yes, the first snow of the winter season. Always so breathtakingly pretty, especially when it's accompanied by a sunny morning.

As I wrote not so long ago, providing our children with an enhanced sense of the seasons is a great gift that will strengthen their souls and keep them open to what's spiritual in the world, what's working through and around them. There have been years when I didn't manage this, but I've discovered that even the smallest and simplest gestures toward acknowledging spring, summer, autumn and winter brings pleasure to me. It's always that initial impetus that's the most difficult, isn't it?

A sense of wonder

Although we've had frosty mornings, November has been kind, weather-wise. And so, amazingly enough, these yellow pansies are still flowering in the bed at the edge of our deck.

Now, this isn't something I planted. The wind must have wafted the seeds our way, and the fairies thought we might appreciate the gift. Which indeed we did. It's like a small, unexpected miracle, especially as they've bloomed the whole summer and autumn long.

A small child naturally carries a sense of wonder. Our task as adults is not to overlay that. So much of modern life has to do with distraction. If you can, find a good moment to draw your child's attention to nature, the plants, animals, a beautiful sunset or morning sky. The only thing to avoid is to make this into a teaching time. Don't provide information. Simply give the child the space to look, admire and absorb.

Another quickie

Being busy with all my other writing projects, blogging hasn't had much air time. In my head, that is. However, I wanted to share with you an experience I had yesterday.

I went to the doctor for a physical. It's always warm in there, so I walked across the waiting room to hang up my coat. On the rail was an array of good, solid plastic hangers, and one wooden one. Only a second after I'd chosen the latter did I realize I did that instinctively.

Yes, the feel of wood in your hand is very different from the 'ungiving' plastic.

So remember this as regards your children's toys and don't let the plastic overwhelm what nature so generously bestows.

Sometimes, parents need a laugh.

Busy day for me today, but I wanted to share this 'pre-parenting' test.
Enjoy!

http://tinyurl.com/8kjc7ul

Book recco

We have Curly-Locks with us today, so my screen time is minimal. However, I just wanted to share what I just read to him, a wonderful book, suitable for a four-year old, that I can't recommend highly enough. It's almost a prose poem, so the language is wonderful, and the images fine too.

'Nicole's Boat' by Allen Morgan, Art by Jirina Marton.

Why root veggies are important

Tonight I'm planning to make a bortsch soup with the last of the beetroots from our garden. My recipe includes other root veggies such as parsnip, carrots and turnip. So this set me thinking, especially as I've been going over the chapter on the importance of eating organic in my book 'Magical Motherhood'.

It's a long letter to Cheryl. These days there's even more to say on the subject, but I realized there's one aspect I neglected to mention, which has to do with Anthroposophical theory. This is, the relationship of edible plants to the human being, from the viewpoint of our three-fold aspect.

I can still remember the first time I heard a doctor lecture on this. And see the drawing he made to demonstrate. Thusly:

And do you know what happened next? It was this:

Yes, an upside-down version of the previous drawing. You can take it as corresponding to a human being. Soooooo... what does this mean? Actually, that root vegetables are most helpful for the brain, leafy vegetables for the breathing and rhythmic system, and grains and fruits, for the metabolic/limb system.

It's important for young children to eat good root veggies. But you need them, if at all possible, to be grown on organically-composted soil. Root veggies, not being open to influence from air and light, take up more of the salts, minerals etc. from the soil than any other veg. And this means the bad along with the good.

For yourself, you can increase your awareness of what veggies you need. Recently, with the waning of summer, we've been eating less salads. I found myself longing for a big, green bowlful and then realized I wasn't breathing properly. So I took some deep breaths and went in search of lettuce.

Going bananas

Yesterday I spent a few minutes in Curly-Locks's kindergarten classroom. On the shelf above the kitchen area, used for preparing snacks, I saw a row of yellow bananas, ripening. And boy, was I happy to see this! Today when he has his snack, he'll enjoy a good banana.

Years ago when we lived on the farm, we went to visit our neighbour who was also farming bio-dynamically. She had a visitor from overseas, actually a Christian Community priest who used to come to South Africa from time to time. Evelyn Capel was spiritually gifted and also much valued for the advice she could give to parents because she was able to see into the children's previous lives.

Anyhow, I digress. What I meant to share with you is a picture I still hold vividly in my memory. When we all gathered for a meal under the vine-shaded pergola, she spotted the fruit bowl on the table.

"Oh how wonderful," she exclaimed. "One of the things I was determined to do on this trip, was to eat a naturally-ripened banana."

Of course, that's not going to happen here, in the north-eastern area of North America, but we can at least avoid eating green bananas, and especially, avoid giving them to our small children. They are extremely indigestible.

If you think about it, the whole ripening process is a very special one. We cook our food to take the ripening a stage further, which all helps the digestive process. The thing is, magical cosmic processes take place within us when we taste, swallow and digest our food. These days, it seems to me, we mostly live with one extreme or the other. Either we don't care whether we eat healthily, organically and so on, or we do care, but actually treat our bodies the way commercial agriculture treats the land. i.e. this mineral is missing, so we'll add it. We're low on this vitamin, so we'll add that. And yes, I totally confess to being part of the latter camp. And this means I'm actually taking a pretty materialistic view of nutrition.

'Tis a puzzlement, though.

As I've mentioned before, small children are likely to respond to texture even more than taste. So, when it comes to bananas, give them time to ripen and mash them well if you're feeding some to your baby.

Down time

Grandfather and I are collecting the Blue-eyed boy from school everyday. This week the weather has been clement enough for us to walk him home, and that brings a wonderful grace. This is because it gives him some wind-down time. Zigzagging along, he crunches leaves under his feet, kicks at a few dandelion heads, climbs out of the swale to cross a driveway, jumps down the other side to land on his knees, and so on.

A truly valuable time. After long hours at school he has many experiences to absorb and release. Once at home he'll likely settle down to play and I'll hear him murmuring phrases other children had said, sometimes imitating behaviour by acting out. This is all healthy for the soul.

And we as adults need this kind of down time as well. We need the chance to reflect so that we don't get entirely swept up in the busyness of modern life.

When our four children were younger and we lived in Cape Town, I was fortunate enough to be able to take a few minutes round about 5 o'clock... a difficult time of the day when it comes to kids. I'd walk out the front door and along our dirt lane to look up at the mountains and the sky. I'd observe the clouds--in itself a helpful soul exercise. That tiny window would allow me to breathe, provided the strength for me to get back inside and cope with teenagers.

I hope you can find a few moments in your day to remove yourself from the hustle and bustle and renew your forces. Remember to allow your children that possibility too.

More on books

Curly-Locks wanted me to read to him and presented me with a smallish hard-covered book, 'The Magician's Garden'. The story was simple and the illustrations old-fashioned: charming watercolours, with no harsh outlines, which is the ideal. Why? Take a look outside your window. Isn't that actually how we perceive the world? We want to give our kids the truest picture possible.

When we'd finished reading I looked to see the publisher info. Ladybird Learning to Read (or words to that effect). Our son had found it in a charity store. Now, Ladybird put out modern books but I can really recommend keeping an eye open for the old ones. Yes, they can be used as a learning-to-read scheme, but I also used to 'read' the illustrations to the boys when they were smaller. They particularly liked 'On the Farm' for instance.

Now, as an author, I'd far prefer you to buy new books. But as Nana I strongly suggest you keep an eye open for older illustrated books. Chances are they'll be more true to life, less 'cartoonified' than the new ones.

As a side-note and to backtrack to the littlies, it seems to me that books for the youngest kids today are all about teaching: numbers, colours, shapes etc. Ask yourself, 'Do I need to put those concepts onto my baby as soon as possible?' I'd suggest not. Far better to show them illustrations that present a true picture (as I said already). That will help them get a feel for this new home they have on earth. Help them overcome the homesickness for heaven.

Words and images

On Friday evening I went to a local bookstore to give a short reading from my novel 'Cape Town'. This was an event sponsored by the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators, so we began with hearing from the authors of picture books and worked up to the more mature teen/crossover stories.

This brought the whole subject of children and books to mind. More, it brought the whole subject of the word to mind. So, first of all, I'd like to share an image with you, one that I can post because it belongs to me (as opposed to someone else!) This is from a series my dad drew and painted for me when he was 'up north' (i.e. not in Southern Africa) during the Second World War.

Here it is:

I'm sure you recognize little Tommy Tucker who sings for his supper. And I really really hope you recite nursery rhymes to your little ones, and sometimes sing them too.

As human beings, we are privileged to have this very special gift of language. As a writer I'd say that generally we're moving away from lyrical, rhythmical writing. Yes, even in poetry. In my opinion that's a shame and particularly when it comes to words for small children. As I wrote and emphasized in my book 'Magical Motherhood, a Series of Letters to Cheryl', rhythm supports life. Children will delight in the rhythms, alliterations and assonances of nursery rhymes. Even if, sometimes, they don't actually make much sense to us these days, be assured that they'll be nourishing and enlivening your little one.

More on books for slightly older children tomorrow.

Connecting to the Spirit of the World

We do this by living as consciously and as joyously through the seasons as we possibly can. I love how, in North America, the different seasons are celebrated. Right now we have the full glory of fall before our eyes.

So, a couple of days ago, I brought the Blue-eyed Boy home from school. It was a sunny afternoon and he didn't go inside straight away. Instead he stood and looked for a moment. This is what he saw:

Truly, I could almost see the workings of his mind. As an aside I can tell you that he's lost his two front teeth, which is good for a child who's just started formal education. Why? Because the change of teeth is accompanied by a certain brain development.

So, he was thinking. To a purpose. He went and got the rake, and raked the leaves into a heap. You can see what's left of it in the pic. When the heap was big enough, he abandoned his task and went to the swing. Whoopee! Whee!! He swung over the heap and let go. Landed in the leaves.

How much fun was that? I almost wished I could do it too!

Living with the seasons helps us connect to the Spirit of the World. If you like, you can consider Him as the great, cosmic sun-being who came to earth over 2000 years ago. So no, it's not paganism to live consciously through the seasons, but a great gift for our children. Apart from anything else, it helps them to overcome the homesickness for heaven and makes them happy to be here.

When to ask questions

In general, I'm against asking small children questions. Yes, I know this is endemic in our society and I find myself doing it too. But honestly, what are we doing by giving the kids multiple choices? We're actually handing them over the authority that belongs to us as parents and grandparents. And this, I can assure you, will not work in our favour when our children hit the teenage years.

There's another side to the question (!) that I've maybe mentioned before. That is, even us adults suffer from decision fatigue today. This is because every decision we confront makes a demand on our ego. To put decisions onto small children actually takes away from their vitality. And truly, they only come into full ego-hood once they turn twenty-one. Rudolf Steiner says that even the way the foot walks on the earth changes at that time. No, I didn't manage to observe that in my four children.

But sometimes a parent needs to pry. Kids, as we know all too well these days, can be subject to bullying. I remember when our youngest, Ben, was in kindergarten, he kept complaining about a sore neck. I thought this was maybe tonsils, and had a look, but no, his throat wasn't inflamed at all.

The complaint was repeated. I was puzzled. Ben was a child who could usually express what he felt and experienced very well. At last I winkled it out of him. Yes, another boy was 'strangling' him at school. And now that I understood the problem, we were able to address it.

So, as always, be as aware as you can.

A broken promise

Here below is a link for you. But it's not the one I had in mind, which I can't find right now. The trouble is, I got involved with other writing instead of posting right away. My apologies.

https://apps.facebook.com/theguardian/society/2012/oct/09/childrens-health-screen-time

But there's a lesson here, one I've mentioned before. It's often better not to tell children what you intend in case matters take you in a different direction. For example, if you say, 'After lunch we'll go for a walk', and then something happens that means you can't do this, it's a letdown for the child. An unnecessary one, which can lead to undesirable results. I mean, maybe your toddler will throw a tantrum and then the whole household is upset.

This week, due to other writing duties, I'll be posting less often. So, no promises today!

After the weekend

The Blue-eyed Boy will be with us today. This means he won't be in school. It's a wise decision on the part of his parents because he's suffering from too much weekend.

Pity the poor teachers who have to deal with this frequent ailment, most Mondays. And I'd guess it's more difficult after a long weekend. Simply a fact of life in our present world.

So, a wise decision. Sometimes a child who's not ill simply needs some down time. An intuitive kind of observation will tell you when and, truly, it can be a big help if you can manage a 'home day'. Fortunately, over most of the growing-up years, I was in such a position with our four children. When the occasional need arose, I could offer them the grace of a little space to just 'be'.

On another note, do you know the work of Magda Gerber? I'll add a p.s. to this post with a link for you.

Gratitude at Thanksgiving

It seems to me there's a dwindling of teaching children to say 'please' and 'thanks'. Particularly when it comes to the latter, I know how fine I feel when a child thanks me properly and with genuine gratitude. And yes, I think this is something that needs to be taught.

Gratitude as we know from different sources, can be a powerful force in our lives. In Canada, coming up right this weekend, we'll have Thanksgiving Day, which offers us the opportunity to count our blessings and be grateful. A simple grace before the meal is surely appropriate. Children will pick it up, if we grownups hold true thankfulness in our hearts.

The thing is, opening oneself to gratitude helps the soul become receptive so that benevolent spiritual beings can approach, and be there for us. In my experience, the spiritual world responds with such bounty when even the smallest effort of recognition is given.

So, dear readers, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. See you on the other side!

Tucking in

Three snippets on this subject:

At this time of changing seasons, it's easy for the children to get chilled. So an undershirt is a good idea. A teeshirt that's not too large can be a good substitute, provided it's tucked into pants. This makes a huge difference to how warm you feel, as I discovered yesterday for myself when I went on my bike ride.

Tucking a child into bed at night seems to be a fading trend, thanks to the preponderance (and convenience!) of duvets. But the trouble with duvets is that they easily slip to one side, or even off the bed. So it's good to check after your child has gone to sleep. You can tuck in around the feet, at the sides, or at the bottom of the bed.

Lastly, I'm thinking about tucking into food. The other day Curly-Locks came for lunch. We had one of those boxes of organic salad that consist of different small, soft lettuce leaves. I added our (always home-made) vinaigrette, but when Curly-Locks took a mouthful he said 'Yuck', and wouldn't eat any more. So I puzzled over this, because usually he loves our salad. Eventually I came to the conclusion that his repulsion had to do with texture rather than taste.

Which is not to say that small kids don't like 'soft'. But I do think that often, texture is the more important factor when it comes to their tucking in to food.

Do your children a favour, and watch this.

This came to me via a wonderful mother of seven. Merci, Blondine!

It's about one school's policy on media, but contains a message we parents really, really need to see and hear.

I think it speaks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge5G_cYpj8g&feature=share

More on electronic force fields

Twice over the past few days, this subject has come up for me. First of all, as I was listening to the radio. I heard someone state something like 'the negative effects of electronic forcefields is still a controversial subject'.

Climate change, anyone?

And then I received an email. I encourage you to click on the link below.

http://www.castanet.net/news/Kelowna/81081/Utility-sale-whistle-blower=

You know, I don't think I truly considered the impact of a baby monitor. I was more focused on thinking how not having one can contribute to the development of a mother's instinct. But, being fully aware that it's not easy to hear in a multi-storey house, I confess I made use of one while doing overnight babysitting for the grandsons.

As Rudolf Steiner, the spiritual pioneer who brought so much to help us in our time, pointed out: We are all subject to the karma of our age. Technology is here and can provide us with useful tools. However, when it comes to caring for small children, the best thing is to be vigilant. Truly, when it comes to negative effects that are possible to avoid, we'd rather not be sorry later.

A seasonal suggestion

I don't think this needs any explanation!

I'm gearing up for a longer post, maybe next week, but meantime I have to be busy with promotion for my novel 'Cape Town'.

http://www.tinyurl.com/9dacpez

Change of season

The equinox has passed and we're now officially in the fall.

For a change, here's a letter from Cheryl (actually an email) that I wanted to share with you:

I have to tell you (the Blue-eyed Boy) was so sweet on our walk on Saturday. He was collecting leaves for nature crafts and he says that Autumn is his favourite season because it reminds him of Nana and he misses that time with you. 

How touching is that?

Now, to my shame, I have to confess my efforts in the direction of honouring the season through arranging a nature table and collecting leaves, pine cones and so on, were pretty minimal. However, what does Cheryl's note tell us? That even this small nod to the season was incredibly important for a small grandson.

To experience the cycle of the year as fully as possible is a help to us all, but specially for the children who are still learning how to be on the earth. Nurturing their natural connection with nature will lead to a strengthening for their whole lives.

The importance of pre-views

I've written before about soul shocks, and how it's important to avoid these. Unfortunately, that's becoming more and more difficult in the times we live in.

The other day I took up a new book to read to Curly-Locks, who's now four years old. My husband bought it, and the publisher is a trusted one. So I didn't think to flip through it beforehand. And so we arrived at a page which brought a shock. The illustration was of Jack Frost, but the white stick figure had a frightening aspect. I felt Curly-Locks's shock go right through me. We moved on as quickly as possible. Too late to avoid the shock, sadly.

My mother told of an illustrated Red Riding Hood that she used to read to me, and how I could never get past the picture of the wolf. Although I don't remember the image, I still remember one of the nightmares it engendered. The story itself didn't bother me.

Then there are birthday parties. They can be a minefield. When my children were small I always checked with the parents to find out what, exactly, would be happening. Better to be cautious beforehand than regretful afterwards.

Movies are the other things I strongly suggest you look at before your children do. The most innocent of titles can be problematic. I remember back in South Africa going to see 'The Gods Must be Crazy', a very amusing film that seemed to hold no danger. But somewhere along the way terrorists with guns broke onto the screen. Not what you'd want your children to witness.

It's good to be vigilant, even though this may mean spending extra time. That time spent will be worthwhile, and your children's development made healthier for it.

Electronic force fields

A couple of evenings ago we went to help our son with dinner and putting kids to bed because Cheryl was away. My husband wanted to take a look at his (son's) new website, so opened the laptop, only to find there was no connection to the web.

Turned out our son had been doing some research into the effects of wifi emanations and had decided to limit these. He switches off completely overnight, and he intends to get a timer for the days so they can keep the wifi on for as short a time as possible.

Something of the disturbances that electronic force fields create we already know. For e.g., they interfere with the birds' migrations, and it's becoming clear that this applies to butterflies as well. Many people believe this is why our bee population is under threat.

So I would recommend caution. Dial-up connection was okay, cable not too bad, but broadband/wifi affects us in ways we cannot yet tell or measure. For our tender, tiny ones, it's a good idea to switch off as often as you can.

Two more points to make re flying

Actually, the first point I'd like to make is that it's best if you don't fly with babies. After 18 months is not so bad, but just imagine how you'd feel in that noisy, shaky machine if you were one sixth or seventh of the size you are now! (yeah, I tried to calculate that against my body. Not so easy.)

The second thing has to do with those back-of-the-seat screens. I advise simply turning them off to avoid the glare and the rays. Sometimes you have to do this on the handset controls, and sometimes on the screen itself. The latter is not always so easy to find, so ask a flight attendant if you need to.

Think 'protection'.

Flying with little ones

I've flown no less than seven times over the past five weeks. Too many and yes, I'm very happy to be home. But I'm also grateful that travels went smoothly. I was distressed on only one flight, and that was when the plane was descending. A baby started crying and I knew why. The little one's ears were hurting.

So, dear parents, think ahead before you fly. It's good to have something for baby to suck, a bottle rather than a soother, I think, because the swallowing helps. In the 'old' days, really many years ago, the flight attendants would hand out sweets and also cotton wool to put in the ears. Now, I'm not sure the latter really helps. It can't harm, though, so have a little on hand.

This is the one situation in my life when I chew gum, or at least, have it in my purse in case my ears start hurting. So I guess for older children that would be an option.

In any case, when it comes to kids, thinking ahead is always a good thing to do!

More from the Norland nannie

Another thing that struck me... This woman commented about how many children today are picky eaters. This she put down to us giving small kids options. She said children should have their food put in front of them without discussion, but if there was something they didn't like, they should only be given a small amount of that. Adults should set a good example by eating everything on their plate.

This made me remember an incident. When my eldest grandson was small, I asked him if he wanted carrots (or whatever). Busy with his play (no, I shouldn't have interrupted him) he didn't respond. I insisted, "Josh, do you want carrots? Say 'yes or no'."

He looked up at me and sweetly said, "Yes or no".

That, dear readers, surely sums it up.

A Norland Nannie's advice

Recently the Guardian newspaper published an article/memoir by a woman who'd been a Norland nannie all her life. This British nannie training was instituted a bit before the middle of last century and she told of how the first thing they learned to do was to polish those coach-built high perambulators until they shone spotless!

A couple of things were interesting to me. Firstly, that the training insisted a child should never be spanked... certainly a concept way ahead of its time. Then she wrote about how a child could be disciplined. Inappropriate behaviour could be met by sending the child to his or her room (not merely to sit on the stairs) to think about what had happened. Then, when they were ready, they'd come downstairs to apologize. The apology given, they were then given a kiss and a hug to express approval and to show that they were loved.

It was this last step that brought an 'aha' for me, so I wanted to share it with you.

Warmth and Cold

This will be my last post for a while. I need to concentrate on preparing 'Magical Motherhood'  to make it instantly available as an ebook. (Paperback copies are still available and you can order by emailing; magicalmotherhood@rogers.com ) Then I'm planning a new book to incorporate, add to and enlarge some of the subjects I've touched upon in this blog.

So, you've probably heard about the latest diet craze, where you drink black coffee and take cold showers. Both of these to stimulate the metabolism, I presume.

Years ago I used to finish my shower with cold water, more to aid my immune system than to lose weight. That long ago winter I had no colds, which is unusual for me. So, when our youngest began to suffer from repeated colds I thought maybe he might benefit from cold baths. (!) Fortunately, this only happened a couple of times before I got a 'night message' which told me very firmly 'he needs warmth'.

Yes, as I wrote in one of the first posts, small children need warmth, and even not-so-small children, as our son was at that time. Physical and emotional warmth have a nourishing, encouraging and nurturing effect that will create a life-long, beneficial, well of strength for your child.

Blessings till you see me on your screen again.

Fairy tales: too grim?

In the world of young adult literature which I sometimes inhabit (see my "fascinating" novel 'Cape Town') there's a trend towards the rewriting of popular fairy tales such as Cinderella or Little Red Riding Hood. The idea is that the female protagonist has to be more empowered so that she can win through. Around this floats a kind of opposite idea, that many of Grimm's folk tales are more like horror stories.

The thing is, these old stories are not meant to be taken literally. Many of them depict, metaphorically, the journey of the soul. Just think how often they begin with a young girl exiled having lost her true mother, or a young princess having to leave her home.

This is why they speak in a figurative way to young children. It's not so long since they left their true homes, to come to earth and find their way through the forest, to reach the castle and/or discover treasure.

No, they're not for the very young, although I suppose you could read 'The Sweet Porridge' to a three and a half year old, say. In any case, whenever you read or, better still, tell the story yourself, this should be done without dramatization or using your normal reading-out-loud skills. A quiet, matter-of-fact voice is best because actually you don't want to stir up emotion. You simply want the imaginative pictures to speak for themselves.

Use your discretion though. Some of the stories are better suited to six and seven year olds. For instance, Sleeping Beauty, which is really a resurrection story isn't it? The marriage with the prince signifies the soul's union with the spirit. And that's why 'happily ever after' can be so satisfying and soul-nourishing for children.

Sitting at table

Yesterday we had our five year old grandson to spend the day. This means, of course, that he needs a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack, as well as lunch.

Like most small kids, he's more interested in playing than sitting at table, although he does this fairly willingly. What I noticed, though, is that he sat sideways, as if ready to take off whenever the impulse hit. So I made sure he brought his legs into alignment with his body so that he was sitting 'properly', as my dear mother would have said.

And I made sure he asked to be excused (please) before he got down.

These small disciplines are helpful to children.

Another thing, more for you to attend to than the child, is to be sure the plates or bowls they're eating from are directly in front of them.

The ritual of lighting a candle and saying a short grace will provide nourishment to your little one's soul as well as the body.

Music and Mozart

Last summer, I took our two grandsons, then aged three and five, to an introduction to orchestral strings i.e., violin, viola, cello and double bass. The four young women who presented were fun and enthusiastic, although some of the information they brought was, in my opinion, too intellectual for their young audience. And a little more Mozart rather than modern composers might have been good. Still...

After I took the boys home, I went to say 'goodbye' to the little one. He put his arm around my neck and said softly and sweetly, 'Thank you for taking me to a special place."

I was touched, and got to thinking about the great role of comfort and blessing classical music plays in my life, especially when it's live. Yes, I enjoy some pop and jazz too, but for sheer soul nourishment, there's nothing like classical.

Now, I didn't always feel that way. Apart from music to dance to such as I heard in my ballet lessons, I mostly considered classical music as boring and even depressing. But I had to endure because, when I was at ballet school, we were regularly taken to the London Festival Hall to hear rehearsals. And thus, slowly, slowly, began my appreciation and enjoyment of music.

Bringing up children means laying the foundation for later life. Hopefully, a good one. You'll want to provide them with strength and the ability to face whatever challenges lie ahead. But you can also steer them in the direction of what will provide them with an inexaustible source of pleasure and delight. Music. All you have to do is provide a certain amount of exposure. Even if they don't respond particularly well at the time, the seeds will be planted and will surely bear fruit.

At least, that's my experience. For fun, take a look at this video and watch especially for the expression on the baby's face!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gww9_S4PNV0&feature=youtu.be&a

Mind images

I seldom watch TV. This is mainly because, like alcoholic drinks, they interfere with my meditative life. And that's much more important to me than any television program. But also, I have difficulty in getting rid of the images. I noticed this also on my recent flights where I watched a couple of films. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the back-of-the-seat video screens are so close to you, so 'in your face'. And, incidentally, I noticed many people who were sleeping but who hadn't turned off their screens. Mostly I think it's because it's not always so obvious how to do this. But I felt sorry for one young man who, to get away from that unhealthy light, had pulled his blanket over his head.

So what has this to do with small children? As you probably know, the best thing is not to expose them to any kind of screens whatsoever. Unfortunately, this is becoming more and more difficult as more and more technology is invented and we make more use of it. Which is not wrong, of course.

Just try to be as aware as possible and to make the exposure as harmless as possible.

I'm reminded of the anecdote told years ago by Francis Edmunds, founder of Emerson College in England. He loved the way one young boy said, "I prefer radio to TV because the pictures are so much better!"

Good toys R worth it

For Christmas we bought the boys some Stockmar watercolour paints. Then I bought a set of wooden houses etc and a set of three simple puzzles for them to play with when they come to us. The Blue-eyed boy wanted to take the former home. I explained they were for here and asked what he'd play with if he took them home. "The old toys" was the answer, said in an 'obviously' kind of voice.

Good wooden toys can be expensive. But they're worth it. Many of ours are already 'second generation', and will one day be handed on so other children can play with them and enjoy them. Here's what the Blue-eyed boy created when he came to spend the day with us on Monday.

And as for the puzzles, Curly-Locks was delighted to discover he could do them (with a bit of a struggle) 'all by hisself'.

What's the use of doing jig-saw puzzles you ask? What I can tell you is that their dad is an expert at packing a whole lot of stuff into the trunk of the car!

Sometimes, you need to be a detective.

Life is settling down after all the varied experiences of Christmas and the Thirteen Holy Nights. To reconnect with my grandsons after having been away for five weeks, I first had the Blue-eyed Boy for the day, and then Curly-Locks.

The Blue-eyed Boy started complaining that his hands were itchy. I wondered why, and then remembered that when I visited the washroom I'd seen the toilet brush lying on the floor, out of its holder, lying on the floor. So I asked, "When you went to pee, did you touch the toilet brush? Because if you did, it's got chemicals on it."

Yes, I use an 'eco' cleaner, but still...

And yes, he's supposed to wash his hands each time, but I hadn't checked.

He answered, "I knocked it over by accident." Then he thought for a minute or two and admitted, "Maybe I did touch it."

Aha! So we washed his hands properly, put on some cream and all was well.

Sometimes we grown-ups need to be detectives!