Sounds and Listening

Over the Easter weekend I had the privilege and joy of hearing Haydn, sung by a singer from Vienna. But more, we actually stayed with the same friend who was hosting her. She was reading a book by Dr. Alfred Tomatis and we had some very interesting conversations around the formation of the ear in uterus and how early this begins... actually, three weeks after conception or even earlier. By four months the ear is fully formed.

You can look up Dr. Tomatis on Wiki if you're interested. I'd say he was quite an amazing man.

So, what is your child listening to? Hopefully your voice and as few intrusive, electronic sounds as possible. Fortunately, in utero the metabolic sounds of your blood pumping and digestive processes are filtered out (good news, hey?). Oh, if only we could filter out those other, aforementioned electronic sounds. Of course, we know how easily it is for our hearing to be damaged by music that's too loudly amplified for e.g. at rock concerts.

All this came home to me as I watched the royal wedding yesterday. Yes, I woke at 5.30, and indulged in a couple of hours of viewing. It was wonderful, so full of pageantry and the service very moving. But I suffered a couple of pangs when I saw that little three-year-old bridesmaid cover her ears against the noise of the bells as she arrived outside Westminster Abbey, and later, when she was on the balcony at Buckingham Palace and the crowd roared.

Some children's hearing is over-sensitive. I don't know what you as a parent can do about this, but I understand there are therapies. Also, I believe the child gradually outgrows the problem. As always, it's good to be as aware as possible.

Don't forget to sing, to talk to your child and say the nursery rhymes!

Holding Your Baby

Today I want to do something a little different. This is, to post a very brief movie, taken when I was in the middle of giving a talk to parents. This will be the first of a short series on what I'll call Baby Basics, practical demonstrations of how to handle a little one. I'll file them under that BB term, as soon as I figure out how to file posts!

Why am I doing this? Because it strikes me that it's not always easy for parents to find out the techniques that used to be handed down from generation to generation. For instance, in a future little movie, I want to show you how to teach a baby to drink from a cup.

Now, there's one caveat I need to add that has to do with my post from yesterday. This is, don't hold a baby facing outwards if the weather is cold and there's a wind blowing. Of course, you wouldn't do this would you? Well, I know a certain PhD who did exactly that when the temperature was -30 and the weather was windy to boot.

Heaven's Breath

'The north wind doth blow, and we shall have snow...'

These last days have been blustery, and so I've been thinking about the wind. But before I go there, a quick word about nursery rhymes.

Small children, as we know, are able to understand what we say far earlier than they begin to speak. It's particularly lovely and helpful for them to hear nursery rhymes as an introduction to more sophisticated language. Think, the rhythm, the rhyme, the sense and even the non-sense! I remember Benjie at around the age of twelve coming across a small child when we were staying in Italy years ago, and how delighted he was that the boy was reciting the old rhymes he himself knew from childhood.

And so, to the wind. Obviously, babies need to be protected, and especially from cold winds. But also, from the east wind. During our farm days we dreaded the rare occasions when the wind was blowing from the 'oos' because we knew that would be damaging for the crops. These days, our sons don't kiteboard on an east wind because it's too gusty.

Dr. Michaela Glockner, in her very helpful 'Guide to Child Health' points out that exposure to an east wind can bring on an attack of croup. Be warned.

Still, it's nice to think that each wind has its own particular characteristics. The title of this post came to me when I remembered Lyall Watson, someone we were friendly with before he wrote 'Supernature' and shot to fame. He has a book about the natural history of the wind called 'Heaven's Breath'. I thought that was beautiful, and true.

Car travel

In a way, this post follows quite well after the one dealing with our sense of life. Why? Because, having driven five hundred kilometres there and back (five hours there, four and a half back) to be away for the weekend, I can tell you I'm feeling 'all shook up', to quote Elvis. Luckily for me, I was able to travel in a van for the journey back instead of in our small Golf. The difference a larger wheel base makes is quite considerable. Nevertheless, and despite a most wonderful Easter, for me the effects of those vibrations from pounding the pavements still linger. And immediately on arrival back home I felt their echo right through my body.

When Miranda our eldest was four and a half months old, we drove from England, down through France and Spain and took the ferry from Barcelona across to Ibiza. That was before the hippie invasion years. I think Miranda's angel must have been looking out for her because in our London days we drove a Mini Minor. Quite scary, actually, when you were whizzing around Marble Arch or Hyde Park corner, vying with the taxis and looking out a side window to see you were at the same height as the wheels of the busses!

Anyhow, my dear now-departed aunt and uncle insisted on us taking their station wagon for our holiday instead of the Mini and so Miranda was spared a much more severe jolting than would otherwise have been the case.

For babies and small children, it's quite simple. The less car travel they have to endure, the better.

Spring and the Force of Life

Spring is in the air!

What does springtime mean to you, I wonder? To me it means that, after the long winter and its trials, I have the chance to connect in a renewed way to my sense of life.

When it comes to our children, it's helpful if we can get an idea of what's going on with their sense of life, because it fluctuates. How to clue in? The easiest is to keep an awareness of your child's complexion. Pay attention if the child looks pale. Yes, this can be an indication of illness, but it's also a reflection, a measure of what's going on in the child's soul.

Today the connection between what's happening in our souls and the effect of our emotions on the physical body is well known and well documented. Considering that small children are busy building their bodies for the whole rest of their lives, it's wise to keep an eye on what's going on. Plus, this will be a foundation for you to sense problematic happenings during the challenging teenage years.

If a child looks pale, maybe he or she has suffered a fright, or was upset by a quarrel. Children are usually sensitive to quarrels, even if they themselves are not directly involved, and whether they be between grown-ups or other kids. When you perceive something amiss, take some time to comfort the child and, if he or she can articulate, find out what's wrong. This will help your child feel secure and mitigate the harmful effects.

Lastly, be glad when your child looks rosy!

p.s. I will be taking time out this Easter weekend, and so this will be my last post until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. May I wish you love and light?

Dolls for girls and boys

Let me introduce you to Benjie.

 Benjie, believe it or not, is over thirty years old. He's a much travelled doll, having been born in South Africa, lived in England, explored the Continent (of Europe) and now North America. Recently he's taken on a new lease of life, having had face and body lifts, thanks to my nimble-fingered younger daughter. 

Once, while travelling in Scotland, he created a crisis because he lingered in bed rather than jumping into our family's red Peugeot station wagon. We left him behind. Alerted by wails and after fruitless searches, we phoned the dear old lady who owned the bed and breakfast where we'd stayed and she, kind soul, posted him back to us.

Since he was resuscitated, Benjie has been playing outdoors, as you can tell from the photo. Nana tried to wipe his face and wash his hands, but she wasn't too successful.*

And yes, Benjie = Benjie as in Magical Motherhood anecdotes, because I made him for his dad. I doubt anyone who sees him with his two small sons today would argue with me when I state 'He's an incredibly awesome father'. This applies also to his older brother, who is a wonderful dad to his two step-daughters. I'm always so touched when I experience the way he is with them. He also had a doll that I made for him although I can't remember what the doll's name was. His habit was to grip him (the doll) around the neck, i.e. just below the head, which was firmer than the soft, wool-stuffed body. So the neck grew longer and longer over time!

I believe playing with dolls helped both our sons to become such amazing dads.

Now then, my perception is that there's prejudice and sexism around the idea of giving boys dolls to play with. Soft animals and teddy bears? Quite okay. But not dolls.

Dear readers, I think this is crazy. Yes, you can probably love and nurture an animal as much as a doll, and yet… don't we strive to become truly human? I hope so.

*A side note here. It's good to wipe small children's faces in the morning because this helps them to wake up. Waking up properly can help the evening going-to-sleep process.

About Beauty

The Blue-eyed Boy, who's now four and three quarter years old, is standing below this picture. He opens the conversation.
     'Nana, why do you have a storm in your house?'
     'That's a painting Oupa's parents gave to us,' I explain, not wanting to tell him it's a question I've asked myself a time or two, especially if I consider the metaphorical significance. 'One of these day I might put one of Uncle Richard's paintings there instead.'
     Uncle Richard is an artist who paints mostly abstract oils. He was kind enough to draw the madonna and child image that is on the front of 'Magical Motherhood'.

 If you're interested in his work, you can take a look at http://www.richardianheys.co.uk/ Personally, I like his kind of abstract art because it requires more than a simple cursory response from the viewer (i.e. me).

     Blue-eyed boy spends a moment or three thinking about this. Then he says, very seriously, 'But Nana, it's beautiful!'
   
I have to confess, that made me choke up. This wasn't only because of his carefully-considered remark. No, it's because it's such a wonderful and precious thing when a child can recognize beauty, especially when so often today, we are surrounded by ugliness. More, children need to be taught and guided towards what is beautiful. So I was glad, and thankful that the adults who guide him have been going in the right direction.

p.s. re my photography skills: not to make you feel seasick or anything!

Positivity

After my last post, I found myself humming 'Home on the Range'*. I still smile when I think of the child who wondered why 'seldom' was a discouraging word. This post, however, has more to do with another old song, one that went, 'You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative' (thinks, is 'got to' stronger than 'should'?)

For small children, it's good to put instructions and requests in the positive rather than the negative. Of course, accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative is something to apply widely. Even in fiction writing, putting sentences in the positive is preferred. Confession: I find this difficult. In actual life and in writing. Maybe the writing is easier because there it's all about revision. I can go back over my manuscript and look to see where I can switch.

I'm doing my best to train myself in real time. This is not an aspect of parenting I was aware of when my children were still at home, so they heard plenty of 'don't'. That must surely qualify as the most discouraging word ever!

Say, for instance, Curly Locks has settled down to draw. I tell him, 'Try and keep the paper flat and smooth', instead of 'Don't crumple the page'. Or 'Stay away from the road' when we're outside, rather than 'don't go on the road'.

I'm sure you'll easily find your own examples. And talking of giving instructions, less is more.

Now to add a small anecdote to my last post where I mentioned the German measles:

I asked my husband, 'What should we give the little one to eat?'
He answered, 'How about sausages and sauerkraut?'

*humming is good. Cats, apparently, renew their skeletons by their purring.

Some encouraging words

On Saturday night, the 2nd April, we had a wonderful gala evening, a celebration for the 150th anniversary of the birth of Rudolf Steiner. Music was part of the entertainment provided, and I noticed we heard three lullabies: two on the flute and one on the piano. Lovely they were, too. Yes, they were followed by livelier tunes, so we didn't fall asleep.

But they reminded me of how wondrous a thing is the human voice. It's one of the attributes that's unique to our species, a true gift from the gods. Sometimes, when Curly-locks is very tired, he can't quite get off to sleep. Then I provide a little help by singing to him, actually a very boring, repetitive tune with ditto words that came to me one day long ago when I was rocking baby grandson number two.

Cheryl is the same way I used to be: i.e. somewhat unsure of her voice. But she doesn't let that deter her (yay for you, Cheryl). I always love the story she tells about when the three of them went to spend a weekend at a cabin with friends. Blue-eyed baby couldn't sleep, and she didn't want his crying to disturb the other guests, especially as the wooden walls were not at all soundproof. She sang 'Edelweiss' to him, very quietly.

Next morning, one of the other women who had arrived very late, said how lovely that had been for her, and how it had helped her drift off.

As daughter Helen used to remind me when I'd apologize for having cooked a not-so-tasty meal or whatever, 'Small children are not critical'. And isn't that a marvellous thing? Especially as I suspect most of us adults are likely to be too self-critical. With small children you can go for it, knowing they won't hold any short-comings you perceive against you, but instead, will be appreciative and will benefit.

The advantage of baths

A few years ago I first met my two step-granddaughters-to-be. We spent a weekend together in the Colorado Rockies. The younger must have been about five years old at the time. Early one morning she came to join me in the bedroom and we played a couple of games together... card or board, I can't remember which. Then I said to her, "That's it for now. I need to go and bath."
She stared at me with round eyes and exclaimed, "But you're much too big to bath!"

In her world, grown-ups always took showers.

When dealing with small children, baths can be used for various purposes other than simply getting clean. (Yes, this actually applies to all of us, at all ages.) As mentioned in my book 'Magical Motherhood' sliced lemons in the water can help at the time of the full moon to prevent a little lunacy. Lavender can soothe and relax before bed time. But there's also another factor we can make use of, and that's the actual temperature of the water.

This came to my mind because, last week, Curly Locks went down with German measles. We believe he caught it from when the whole family went swimming at a local public bath. He wasn't too sick, fortunately, although he did run a fever. Fever, as the medical profession increasingly knows and recognizes, can be strengthening for a child in body and soul, provided of course that it is managed in a responsible fashion and the little one takes in enough fluids.

Curly Locks's rash came out quickly and all over his body. Maybe that was why he didn't feel so bad. If the rash hadn't come out, a bath that was warmer than usual could have helped. And if he'd needed a bit more warmth in his blood, adding hotter water bit by bit could have raised his temperature a little. He's old enough now to scoot back in the bath when I add hot, and actually loves it when I swish the water around and make waves. If he'd been smaller I would have used a large pitcher to distribute the warmer water.

And of course, kids love to be in touch with this element.

A side note re adding hot water. Iced drinks are bad for the digestive system. An easy way to bring a milk bottle or cup of juice up to room temperature is to add a little boiling water.

I have a couple more directions to take from previous posts, so come back soon!

The Four Elements

To follow on from the last couple of sentences of my last post, here's a pic for you.

Allow me a word of explanation. Although as a general rule I prefer and advocate wooden cars, trucks, trains, etc., for sandbox use, I make an exception. Plastic works best.  But don't you just love the way Curly Locks is so absorbed in his play?

The thing is, there's much magic in the four elements of earth, water, air and fire (warmth)... in myth and legend, literature and in fact. Even conventional (as opposed to spiritual) science is beginning to realize and research the effects they have on us. For instance, not long ago, a study concluded that a ten minute walk outside in the air was beneficial to mood and well-being. Better still if such an outing could happen beside water... creek, river, lake or ocean. Thus, for our children, really, really important, always providing said elements are in a kind rather than angry mood themselves.

Let's see what's going on here. First of all, Curly Locks is in touch with the earth, which helps him to feel grounded (of course) and helps him to be active in the world. Then there's the water. Although you can't see it in the photo, he's poured some onto the sand. Also, before he comes back inside, he'll have a chance to wash his hands.

(Where's the plug, Nana?)

Now, water has to do with our formative forces. Just think that the major part of our bodies is actually fluid! The air is what we need for life, and is, obviously, connected to our breathing. Little ones need their breathing rhythm to be brought into harmony with their pulse rate. Lastly, warmth and our experience of it has to do with our humanity. Curly Locks is warmly dressed and is wearing that cute woollen hat which has a soft cotton lining.

So yes, when the weather is clement, it's wonderful for littlies to be outside, to be in direct contact with the earth, water, air and warmth. Light is somewhat different and maybe I'll look at that another time. Meantime, it's all to do with what our children come into contact with, and what opportunities we provide for them. And sometimes it's good to ponder: what do I connect myself with on a regular basis?

My morning out

Once a month (except during the summer) there's a meeting in my city for people involved with pregnant mothers, birthing and the early weeks. Think midwives, doulas, chiropractors, nutritionists, yoga teachers and so forth. I love to go there if I possibly can, to learn and be inspired. Each time there is a different presenter, and it seems, always something new and/or interesting to hear about.

This morning we had a fun time, because we had a chance to experience what's called Dancing For Birth (yes, there's a .com website). We moved for sure. Our instructor had her own small baby in a comfy sling, held in front of her. The child slept peacefully during the whole hour's session. Advice was, 'When baby is fretful, try a little gentle dancing'. Being an ex-dancer myself, I like that! And, of course, rhythm is always helpful.

She ended the session with a small demonstration about how life has changed; how we used to lean forward to do the laundry in a river (and of course this still happens in some parts of the world); how we'd hang the laundry on the line, and squat when we were gardening. All useful for positioning a baby in the most helpful way for birth (anterior rather than posterior), and using gravity to advantage. The trouble is, these days we use washing machines, drive around and sit at the computer. So these simple stances are being sidelined. Gardening is still good, though... and yay, the weather has warmed up! When I returned home I found Curly-locks happily playing in the newly-replenished sandbox. Is there anything the little ones like better?

Nightmares and what to do about them (longish post)

Following on from the soul disturbances briefly mentioned in my last post, I want to write about nightmares in children.

I suffered. Actually, right up until I was twenty-one, and occasionally after that. Even now, though, I remember a couple of my childhood nightmares about being chased by a wolf. A few years ago my mother told me about an illustrated version of Red Riding Hood that she used to read to me, and how I'd be transfixed in horrified fascination at the one page that depicted the wolf. (I'll write more on fairy and folk tales some other time). Slowly I began to take hold of my nightmares and be able to tell myself (in my sleep) 'it's only a dream', and then I'd be able to turn the terror around.

Ben, our youngest, was unusually articulate from a very young age. He woke crying one night when he was small and described what he'd been 'seeing'. From his description and my own memories of paintings by Hieronymous Bosch, I realized these were what you might call demons. The thing is, the further away children grow from the heavenly world, the more the not-always-benevolent forces have access to them. And we all carry evil within us.

A while later, when he was troubled by nightmares, he went to visit a little girl who lived a couple of doors down our road. Her family was from America, and she gave him a little doll which she told him was a 'warrior' (worrier? I was never sure). He should put it under his pillow at night, and that would help.

The power of suggestion? Who can say.

Anyhow, just recently the blue-eyed grandson has started suffering. Of course, I googled to see what might be done. Apart from finding a suggestion to give him chamomile before bedtime, I didn't see much that I thought might be useful. So I started to focus on my own experience.

First of all, I tend to have bad dreams when I'm too hot. Sleeping on my back can also do it. Sometimes, if I'm away from home, bedclothes or duvets made of artificial fabrics can be a factor. So I suggested Mom and Dad should check all that, and be sure to turn him onto his side. And then I came to what I keep under my bed. No, not dust bunnies! (although they can attract malevolent house spirits). We have two large chunks of quartz.
We had three, but I gave one back to Ben to use for the blue-eyed boy. That was only fair, seeing as he found them.

It was years ago, before our eldest, Miranda, left to live in England. She had made me promise that we would visit the Etosha game park before she flew off. And so it happened -- although I hadn't anticipated it would turn into a camping trip! I like my home comforts and we were exactly organized for camping under dry and dusty circumstances. Nevertheless, it was truly wonderful. On our way back we visited the hot baths at Ai Ais. Now, the land of Namibia in that area is practically all quartz. Very little vegetation. I was keen to take some crystals home, but wasn't having much luck finding them. So I sent Ben off on a foray, and sure enough, he came back to the car with bounty.

I find that having the stones under the bed somehow gives protection from the not-always-benevolent forces that emanate from the earth and surroundings... forces like electro-magnetic fields and so on.

These days when I'm travelling I make sure to take a small unpolished piece of rose quartz with me, and put it under my pillow when I sleep. I guess you could say it's my own kind of warrior!

Changing demands on parents

What to write for a first (as opposed to introductory) blog post? Oupa has just arrived back from a stroll with the curly-headed grandson and says he could write a lot about diggers. Not me. In fact, when my oldest grandson asked me to tell him a story about combine harvesters, I had to confess Nana didn't know much about those. These days I'm asked for 'stories about trains'. Fortunately I have more experience in that direction, having travelled on regular, high-speeds, undergrounds and even steam trains, back in the day.

So, about the journey...

Looking back over our years of bringing up children, I realize the primary demands on parents change. When my babies were small, the physical needs were uppermost, as all tired moms and dads will agree. Because the state of our bodies impinges on our souls, this time is often emotionally draining too, although, hopefully, there's joy, tender cuddles and delight. :-) Nevertheless, I suggest parents' main task during these months and early years is to keep baby comfortable, safe, protected, well fed and with plenty of opportunity for sleep.

But things change as the months and years progress. More and more I found I needed to be tuned into my children's soul needs. Was she finding this book disturbing? Maybe he found an illustration scary (to give a very small example). Why didn't she want to go and visit this particular friend? Why not allow my little boy to wear red shoes, even if those were supposed to be for girls? Those kinds of things. It's truly a challenge and not always easy to pay attention and realize there's something going on that may or may not be verbalized.

As the child approaches adulthood, the demands are different again. You kind of have to step into the role of life coach, especially when it comes to such things as helping to make career choices and so on. For me, this meant having to grow on quite another level.

So to sum up, you start on the basic, physical level, go on during the 'golden' years of childhood and teenage time having to help your child on the soul level. Lastly, and even into adulthood, the demands are on the ego level... a kind of three-fold developmental challenge.

I was going to finish off by writing 'good luck', but then I thought, 'No, that would be inappropriate'. Do your best, and forgive yourself when you fail. Remember to think over what's happened as objectively as possible in order learn for the future.

See you next time.